Anthology - A Collection of Fanfic One-Shots

Je Suis

"Lou! Are you coming or not?"

"God dammit Jeff! I told you to give me a minute," she shrieked as she pulled on a tank top and skirt. Her long, sandy blonde hair was a tad too clean for her liking so she smeared it with a generous handful of coconut oil to grease it up. She smudged the last bit of makeup on her face, then stuffed the rest of her things into her backpack.

"You're so damn slow!"

"Fuck off! I'm coming."

She knotted her freshly dirtied hair atop her head and threw her tattered and defaced backpack over one shoulder. Jeff had arrived a moment earlier to roust her before making the trek to their usual place in front of Saint Louis' Cathedral. It wasn't far, just down the street really. She and Jeff had met when they'd moved into neighboring apartments a number of years prior. He, a painter. She, a palm reader...that's what she pretended to be anyway. The rest of her waking hours were spent as an online professor in language arts.

"Jesus Christ, woman. I gave you fair warning," he scolded, pushing off from the wall he was leaning against. She gave him the middle finger as she shut and locked the door and deadbolt behind her.

"This costume takes some time. I have to keep up appearances you know," she gave a curtsy and a spin that sent her long, threadbare black skirt out into a wide circle around her legs. Her stacks of bracelets and long necklaces jingled like Christmas bells with her every movement.

"If you didn't have so much shit to put on your face, it wouldn't take so long," Jeff continued to razz her as he paused to pull a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it before they continued on.

She was in the middle of fixing her set of costume false teeth that were a crass contrast to her usual straight, white and perfect teeth. She grinned at Jeff and gnashed them together, making him cringe in response.

"Why do you go through the trouble for all this?"

"Becauth it helpth me keep up appearantheth," her words came out slurred and indecipherable every time she first put her teeth in. "If I look rough, the pretty boyth leabe me alllone."

"Well it's a dumb act if you ask me."

"Jeff, thtop picking at me. I'm thooper tired and crabby--"

"And ugly."

"You're no prize yourthelf, Jeffrey."

All he did was laugh in response.

"Here we go," Jeff pushed the secure gate open and the two of them joined the current of foot traffic outside of their apartment building. It was barely nine in the morning and the sidewalks were already thick with tourists, some still straggling from their revelry the night before.

"Another day in paradise."

"Betht job ever," she made her response pointedly sarcastic. She and Jeff both knew full well that despite their aversion to the droves of cocktail-fueled partiers and pokey tourists, their livelihood depended on them.

"I'm going for a coffee. You want?" Jeff asked over his shoulder.

"Why are you even ath-king? Of courth I want coffee," she snarled back, immediately wishing she'd stopped herself from acting so awful.

"Bordel de merde, Lou. Maybe once you wake up a little, you won't be such a bitch."

"Theee Jeff. You know me tho well. Coffee will make it better. I'm thorry."

"Je te pardonne, Madame," he offered as he veered off their path to retrieve their much needed caffeine boost.

Traffic was already clogging the streets and the smell of exhaust and days-old garbage hung heavy in the air. It was days like that that made her consider giving up the charade and sticking to her day job but she just couldn't. Fortune telling was easy money and nobody that paid her knew it was only an act. She simply considered herself a street performer. They paid her to be entertained and she willingly took their money. Win-win for everyone.