This Love | ✓

Part 40

Jason's grip on my hands tightened as soon as the words left my mouth.

"You don't mean that," he stated in denial.

"I'm sorry, Jason," I whispered miserably. "I do."

I slumped back against the couch, wishing that the plush seat would just swallow me whole. Pressing my cheek against the backrest, I lowered my gaze to our entwined hands.

Jason mirrored my action, laying back so his lips almost grazed mine.

"I don't believe you," he said, his voice quivering.

For a moment, his usual confidence was gone, replaced by an uncertainty that was alien to his nature.

It's your fault. You're no good for him.

Yet another reason to end it with Jason. He deserves so much more than you.

My throat constricted as I imagined Jason finding someone else at university. A confident, gorgeous, popular girl. Everything that I was not. I pictured him mentioning me to her fleetingly with detachment and disdain.

"Leena?" Jason called for my attention.

"Please, you have to believe me," I pleaded. 

"I don't want to. I know you're afraid that things will be different after you go home," he said. "But there's nothing to be afraid of because I love you. We can figure this out!"

"Jason, it isn't as easy as you think," I sighed, infuriated with myself for failing to convince him. "Did you even think about the time difference between London and LA? You'll have to sacrifice so much to keep in touch with me. All the —"

I was interrupted by the sound of an unfamiliar ringtone. With a quick apology, Jason stood up, reaching into his pocket to answer his phone. I tapped my fingers against the couch, not paying attention to Jason's conversation.

"That was my mom," he said a few moments later, kneeling on the floor so his mystifying eyes were level with mine. "She needs my help with something."

"Is she all right?"

"Yeah, she is. But she needs me to pick up some paper for her."

"Oh," I said, staring at my denim-clad knees.

"I'm sorry," Jason said. "I have to go."

"It's okay," I nodded reassuringly.

"I'll come back after I help her," Jason promised, standing up.

"No, you should go home and get some sleep before your night shift," I said, getting to my feet. "Will you come over tomorrow?"

"Of course," he said, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to my forehead. "Leena, I don't want you to think about ending things anymore. When I see you tomorrow, we'll talk about all the time difference stuff. We can figure it out, easy."

I tipped my head to meet Jason's eyes. He smiled at me, the relaxed confidence and brightness returning to his face.

"I love you," he whispered. 

Jason held my face in his hands gingerly as though I were made of glass. With a hopeful smile, he made a request that caused my heart to drop like a dead weight. 

"I really hope I'll hear those words from you tomorrow."

***

"Are you sure you're all right, darling?" Claire asked, examining me closely from across kitchen counter.

"Claire, I told you," I sighed, piercing a cherry tomato in my breakfast salad with a fork. "I'm just fine!"