Goodbye Till Now

witnessing the change

Waking up to the same old days for 1 year now, nothing has changed except the weather. From rain to sun, dark light and misty sights. My moods have been emotionally tight, I wouldn't shred a tear even though bad things have happened in the present, but nothing will be compared to my past. As strong as I am, for the amount of pain I can carry, the amount of hits I can take and the time wasted to keep other people happy when they don't deserve it. But one thing really impales my heart, and that's seeing the one I love leave me to be happy with another guy.

I've never lived an ordinary life, my mom getting beat up by my father, having no money because every penny was wasted on drugs. My dad getting pissed every night and shouting at my mom screaming violently "You never fucking make effort for our children, I work everyday to come in and see you doing... d-drugs every..." It was this moment my father had died of a heart attack, believed to be off drug overdose. I turned my neck to try and un-witness what I had seen, his body was shaking, my mom screaming hoping my father would hear her, but every breath she took from screaming more and more blood came shooting from his mouth, nose and ears.

The neighbours came knocking to make sure everything was fine, but by the way their faces looked when I unlocked the door showed a whole new story. They pushed me out off the way and moved fastly to the bloody corpse lying on the floor with no movement at all. The neighbour comments "Drugs on the table, witnessing the death of his Father! you not making sure if his alright. This place is a bad environment for a 12 year old boy to even be entering."

The paramedics arrived an hour later and they covered up the body, the only remains that was there was my father's dried up blood on the white carpet. My mom was crouched up in a ball drowning herself in her own tears. My mom begged "please son... whatever you do, wherever you go or whatever you think please don't choose the life me and your father did" after she said all of that she started crying loudly. I didn't know what to do I was so shocked by my surroundings I couldn't stay here no longer.