Clandestine

Prologue

"Please-just let me show you that you're worth it." Those words would go on to change our lives forever.

Chocolate-caramel tones mixed with pale skin that night in a passionate tangle of limbs and tongues and praises, neither of us thinking about what this night would mean in the morning.

I'm an idol, still rising and just starting to make a name for myself in the states. She's a freshman in college still figuring out what she wants to do with her life. But all of that didn't matter. All that mattered was us. A love at first sight that should've never even happened. "What did we do?"She asked as we lay together, chests heaving and minds swirling with questions and confusion. Was there really such a thing as love at first sight, or was this what people called lust?

"We found each other," I replied with a kiss to her temple, my hand running up and down the expanse of her bare back. She sat up to look down at me, hand splayed across my chest.

"I'm serious, Namjoon. Who's to say we won't go back to our normal lives and forget all about each other? Find new people? I mean you have your entire career ahead of you, and you seriously expect me to believe you'll throw all that away for a random girl you've just met?"

"Maya," I sighed. "Baby I need you to believe that I'm a man of my word. I meant everything I said to you last night. You are worth the risk and the scandal. People will get over it- eventually."

"Sure," she mumbled.

"I've spent so much of my life trying to please everyone. I've been everything I'm not to make the world happy. I dye my hair, give up my privacy and leave my family all for people I can only hope will approve of me. And I know that- that if I don't do this for myself, then I'll never forgive myself for it." Her eyes flashed love and concern before she looked away from me, averting her glance to where her fingers traced my chest.

"What would we even do?" She was right. How would we make this work? She lives in L.A. while I live back in Seoul. And sure I come out here more than I used to in past years, but it's only a few times a year; a handful at most. What would be our everyday? Our certainty that we were waiting for one another half a world away. The rings on my hand somehow caught my eye. Most of them having no real meaning, except the one that had been passed down to me from my grandfather.

"Give me your hand." She looked at me like I was insane but did it anyways. I placed the ring, too big for her to wear, into her palm and closed her fingers around it. "This ring means the world to me, just like you." She scoffed.

"You can't mean that." She stood to leave dumping it on the bed but I took hold of her hand before she could leave the bed.

"I do."

"Look, I may be young, but I'm not naive, Namjoon. You claim to want me more than your future? Men have told me this over smaller things. I should just go now, and you can go back to living your life." Her eyes told me she'd been hurt before. And the strain on my grip was enough to tell me she didn't want to be hurt anymore. "You can go meet a nice, petite, traditional girl who your parents and the world will love. I'm just a slip up." She reached for her dress which laid on the floor next to the bed and moved to stand before I could string my words together.

"I've never felt more like myself than I have around you." She paused. "With you I-I'm Namjoon. Kim Namjoon. I'm just a man, alright? I'm not Rap Monster or famous or rich; I'm me. And as for my parents, I've disapointed them with my life choices for years. Becoming an idol, quitting my business internship for rap, all things they said were a waste of my time, so why would they care about something as simple as your race?" In this time I'd raced around the bed and now held her face in my hands. "Baby," I sighed looking into her eyes."you aren't a fad. I know we haven't known each other for long, but I want to be with you. And I know that if you didn't feel at least a little bit the same about that, then you'd have been gone by now. I knew it was you the moment I laid eyes on you." I joined  my lips to hers, feeling every ounce of fear and hurt fall from her mind. "Please," I mumbled to her, foreheads resting against each other. "Just promise me you'll try?" I pressed kisses to her forehead, cheeks and nose, each time murmuring please each time.

"Okay," she smiled. "Okay, I'll try. I promise."