Bitchin' Mara Jade

Chapter Ten

Mara sat in the kitchen on the floor, eating a slice of cake. It was not her day. She'd cut her wrist, bumped her head repeatedly, fallen over with several plates, cut her knees, ripped the only nice looking dress she had and she was overcome with conflicting feelings. She felt guilty for throwing Luke out, and blowing up at him the way she did but she still felt angry because she felt like a boundary had been crossed.

"Go home Mara." Niko's voice said suddenly.

"This is my home now." Mara told him.

"No. Luke is your home." Niko told her, helping her up. "Home not always place. Home can be person. You don't have to love all of home. A home isn't perfect. But it's safe. It protects you, it's where you know you belong. It's where you want to be when night time comes. I know you Mara. You find it hard because....you umm....what do we say...you can't fix this problem with your fists. You love Luke and you don't want to hurt him. So you sent him away."

"Which hurt him." Mara sighed.

"He loves you. He'll forgive you. No relationship is perfect. No home is without flaws. But it's what we make of it, and of them. What Luke did for you... he didn't do it with anything but the trying of doing something nice for you."

"Yeah. You're right."

"Go to him. Take the rest of the night off. Rest. Think about your future. You know it and I know it that it's not going to be here. I mean you welcome all the time but you have future, big plans. You have big smarts."

Mara nodded and wiped her tears.

"And if you fail college, I'll be here."

Mara laughed and hugged him. "Thank you Niko."

*

Luke sat in the library, staring at the book he got published for her. It was going on sale in a week. He was an idiot, a true utter idiot. The door opened and he looked up with a sigh. Mara walked in her hands behind her back. "I'm so frustrated with you. I'm sorry I threw you out...I just...all these questions and thoughts....anxieties rushed through my head and I... I freaked out. I love you. I'm sorry that I pushed you away when you just wanted to do a nice thing for me. Did you choose the paper and the cover?"

He nodded and looked back down to it.

"Are you mad at me?"

He didn't say anything.

Mara walked over. "Are you upset? I've had time to think...I'm grateful. Just..."

She stopped speaking midway, realising he wasn't talking to her. "Right. Right okay." Mara uttered. "Okay."

She started to walk out the library but turned back as Luke stood up with the book so he could put it on a shelf somewhere. She turned around and looked at him. "Urghh!" she let out a cry of frustration.

"You should go back to work. That's where you live." Luke commented, annoyed. He didn't even know why he said that to her, why he threw that in her face. Of course what she threw in his face next was more physical and more painful. She slapped him hard. He almost keeled over.

"You ass hole!" she shouted.

"You're breaking out the big words today." he remarked and she went to slap him again but he grabbed her arm. "Violence isn't always the answer."

"Let go of me!" Mara shouted at him. "You'll regret it! I mean it!"

"Mara I'm barely touching you..."

She sweeped him with her leg. Luke didn't react in time. He was holding onto her arm as he fell. She fell on top of him their noses almost touching. She began to breathe in and out as he did the same. Suddenly their lips were crashing against one another and he moved them so he was on top, his hands holding onto her wrists, pinning them against the floor as they kissed.

The door opened suddenly. "Luke are you going to be having dinner or are you going to be moping..." Leia's voice began. Her eyes suddenly realised what was going on and she gulped and backed out of the door slowly, closing it behind her.

"Poor Leia." Mara uttered when Luke pulled away so they could breathe.

"Poor Leia?! I've walked in on Han and her mid intercourse!"

"Well they're both beautiful people it can't have been that..."

"Mara!" Luke exclaimed and then they both started to laugh. "I'm sorry. I took my mopey mood out on you."

"Don't be sorry. I liked the way you kissed me there. It was like you were putting an effort in."

He drew her a look. "So I don't put an effort in normally?"

"I didn't say that." she said and laughed. "Luke. no. luke..."

He began to move away from her. "Luke. Come on! Come on! This is our favourite make up place... we've not gotten around to fully making up..."

She bit her lip and made her way over to him, climbing into his lap . "Well if you insist..." Luke trailed off and she kissed him.

*

Mara was surprised when after two months her book had gotten a bit of money. She used it to help pay off her friends' debts, buy Luke a car and kept the rest of the money in the bank. She didn't go to college in that same year but went the follow year.

By the time she was between her second and third year, Luke proposed to her by the fountain in the school courtyard after a day of her helping him organising his class room and redecorate it for the following year.

She married him two weeks later. It wasn't a fancy ceremony. But the important thing was that they were together. She had whole weekends with him which worked out well since she was college in Missoula and he was working at school.

It was in mid december on the 12th, in her third year of college, after the publication of her fourth book, that Mara found out something. She swallowed as she thought about it. What did she do? What did she do? It was Christmas holidays, study time. What did she tell Luke?

He knew right away when she got out of her car, slowing dragging her suitcase along that something was up. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"I'm not feeling so well." Mara stated. It wasn't a lie. She hadn't been feeling well for weeks. She thought it was just because she was busy, missing dinners, that kind of thing, but of course it was more than that. She missed the signs because she was so stupid. What was she going to tell him? How would he react? Was she panicking over nothing? They hadn't even talked about what would happen if what had happened to her happened. "I'm going to lie down."

"Okay. Just leave your suitcase. I'll get it." Luke stated, and watched worried as Mara staggered up the stairs. Luke blinked. Was Mara drunk? Or was she just so tired she was clumsy? He hoped she'd tell him soon whatever was the matter with her.