Complicated

Chapter six

I walk out of my bathroom with a new bandage on my arm. I'd been 17 days clean and I fucking relapsed. I was so mad that I had. I didn't realize I started crying until a tear dropped on my hand. Something about Friday night made me relapse and made me depressed. I had cut when I got home that night and I did it every few hours. I'd talked to Max and Harry about it, I always did after I had self harmed. No one else knew about it, only them. I've dealt with this since the 5th grade.
It's Sunday today. It's been a two days since I went on my date with Kian. I hadn't talked to him much since then. I didn't want to talk to him.. Or see him.. In total I've gotten 57 messages, 14 calls, 8 direct messages, and 39 snapchats. I only replied to 3 of those. I've been pretty reclusive for the past two days. Sometimes I get in these moods where I just don't talk to anyone. I haven't even talked to the group. I knew they'd understand and I knew they'd be coming over anytime today, it was our thing.
As if on cue I hear the front door open. I put some black joggers on, my slippers, and I put a black sweatshirt on.
I get out of bed and walk downstairs to see all of my friends. Harry and Niall were raiding my kitchen, while Louis, Liam, Michael, Luke, Calum, and Ashton were all playing Just Dance on my Xbox, I've never understood why the boys like that game. Oliver and Max were sitting on the couch trying to mess up the boys. I walked around the corner and smacked right into someone and fell strait to the ground. "Oh fuck." The person says, I looked up and realized that it was Kian. "Let me help you up love." He said holding out his hand. I grabbed his hand and stared at the floor. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Can we talk?" I looked up at him, "Why?" He grabbed my hand and pulled me into another room. "Why haven't you been answering my messages?" I shifted uncomfortably and looked at the ground, I never liked confrontation. "Uh.. I was busy." He lightly lifted my chin so I'd look at him. "Ryanne, I know you were home all weekend. I drove by a few times and saw your truck in the driveway. Plus Max and Oliver told me that you were home and weren't talking to anyone. I texted Max about it and she said you were going through some stuff, so I just wanted to know if you were okay?" I pulled my chin away from his hand and looked away, "Yeah.. I'm uh.. Okay.." My voice cracked. I was trying not to cry. He hugged me, "Baby I know you aren't. Just talk to me, please?" I weakly pushed him away, "I-I'm.. Fine.." He lightly grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him, "Baby, I know you aren't. Please talk to me, I hate seeing you hurt." "H-how do you know I-I'm h-hurting?" I said looking up. "I can see it in your face Ryanne. Whenever you laugh and smile on a regular day your whole face lights up and you have these little crinkles by your eyes, and when you're hurting there isn't any crinkles by your eyes. Your eyes look.. Dead."
I then started crying. I fell to the floor and he sat down next to me and pulled me in his lap while rubbing circles on my back. When I finally calmed down he lifted my chin and I looked up at him, "Can we talk about it?" I looked down at my hands. Right as I was about to answer Max, Harry, and Michael all walked in laughing.
When Max saw my face she immediately ran to my side pulling me away from Kian, pulling me into a hug. "What's wrong?" She whispered. "I-I don't know." "Is it about.. You know?" She asked. "Maybe, I don't know." She pulled away, "Okay."
Harry came to my side and pulled me into a hug, I wrapped my arms around his waist. He started rubbing my back as I started crying again. "Shhhhh it's okay love." He kept cooing soft words to me. He picked me up, bride style, and took me to my room. He softly set me on my bed and I grabbed him hand, "S-stay with m-me?" He smiled, "Sure love." He laid down next to me and I wrapped myself around him.
Harry is like a giant compared to me. He's around 6 something when I'm only like 5'3 and only weigh 107 pounds. I shivered "Are you cold love?" I nodded. He pulled the blanket up and I snuggled even closer.
I started falling asleep when all the boys, Max, and Oliver came in jumping on the bed, laughing and yelling. I pulled the blanket over my head groaning, "Go awayyyyyy!" I yelled. I heard everyone laugh at me and a couple "You know you love it." And "No way."
My room was pretty big, I actually had two king size beds, a pull out bed in one of those, and a hammock in my room for when they all slept over. I had a 60-80 inch tv plastered on the mint wall as well as an Xbox and PlayStation. I had a pile of stuffed animals in the corner as well as a record player that had a bunch of alternative rock records. I had a few posters hanging up, The Breakfast Club, Heathers, and a G Eazy poster as well, well I had a few of him, and a few of Demi Lovato. I had one of my walls plastered in photos of the group and a few lights hanging up.
My parents where fairly wealthy, I don't exactly know what they do, nor do I care. I've never had a relationship with my parents. When I was younger they would leave for months without saying a word, just leaving me in the care of random maids. It's not like I was complaining, I mean I loved being home alone all the time, I pretty much got to do whatever. I got a 2,000 dollar allowance every week from them, most of the time I just saved it up so that I can pay for the group when we go out. My parents have never really cared about how I was, they never came home for my birthday or for Christmas. I usually spent holidays with Max and Oliver. But whenever they came home they usually got drunk and they would yell at me, sometimes my dad would hit me. So I always make sure to be gone at night when they are home.  My parents were the main cause of everything wrong with me.
"RYANNE!" Oliver yelled shaking me out of my thoughts, I looked up and realized everyone was staring at me. "What?" I said and everyone started laughing, "You just looked sad and distant." Said Oliver. I felt Harry rub my arm, "I'm okay guys, promise." I said and everyone seemed pretty satisfied and continued what they were doing.
I looked around at all my friends and realized Kian was still here. I saw him siting in the hammock laughing with Louis, Liam, and Calum. I caught him glance at me every once in a while. Then I realized that I was cuddling another guy right in front of him. Fuck. I got up and walked over to him grabbing his hand, he looked up confused. I didn't say anything as I pulled him into bed with me, Harry had already moved and had started playing games with the rest of the boys. He wrapped his arms around me and intertwined our legs. He started playing with my hair. I yawned and he kissed my head as I started drifting off. Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I looked up at him confused, sleep laced in my voice, "What'd you say? It sounded like you asked me out?" He smiled and said, "I did." I smiled at him with butterflies in my stomach. "Really?" He nodded his head, I sat up and kissed him. "I'm guess that's a yes?" He said laughing. "Nah, I just wanted to kiss you." His face lit up with happiness and he said, "Ehh I don't don't care what you say, you're my girlfriend whether you like it or not!" He said tickling me. "Okay!" I said squirming and laughing.
He finally stopped and I payed back down snuggling back up to him. "I'm going back to bed." I said already falling asleep. He chuckled and said something but I couldn't quite catch it.

Hey! Oh my gosh, I FINALLY updated. I'm sorry for the wait. I've been really busy for the past few weeks. Justice and Becca have been bugging the shit out of me to update so I decided to be nice! I hope you guys liked this chapter. I promise I'll update more! Oh and TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!! (April 1st.) No I'm not joking, I'm an April fools baby. Thanks mom *rolls eyes* Anyways, YAY MEEEEEEE!!!!
Xoxo Sierra.