Starless Skies #MentalIllness

Dos

Dos

Dear Diary,

I did it again. I did it again. I did it again.

I promise I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. I tried drawing on my arms, like I usually do, but that didn't help either. I tried to do my best. But I succumbed to it.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I know I promised you I won't do it again, but I broke it, again. I had to go break my promise, after being clean for more than four months. I didn't even realize that I was doing it, before it was all over.

I don't know why I can't get a damned control on myself. But at that moment, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry so badly, but I couldn't. I couldn't cry. I had to let it out someway, and that was the only way I could think of.

They told me, that crying was for the weak, not for the boys, not for the strong. And I listened to them, I didn't cry. I was strong.

They said that self-harm was for the weak, not for the strong. And I listened to them, but I did it anyways. I was weak.

So, what does that classify me as, strong or weak?

That's another Doubt that I have. Another one with no Answer to it.

Maybe I am just a freak, who doesn't deserve to live, like they tell me. But something that I know is that, even if I am, what they tell me I am, I am not going to do what I did today, again. No matter what, I am not going to repeat what I did today again.

Yours sincerely,
Noah

XXSSXX

Hey guys!

I am on a loop aren't I? So what did you think of this chapter? Did you like it? If you did, don't forget to vote and show some love!

What do you think of Noah now? Was this something you would have expected? Do you like everyone think he is a freak?

Something about this book is that, each chapter (or rather diary note) will hold one of his flaws, his problems. Something, apparently, his gender is not supposed to have or do. That is what this book is primarily about, to break the stereotypes and notions.

I will update again on Monday!

All the love, S.