Echoed Corridors

When two people are meant to be together nothing should stop them, right? That's the question I asked myself as I lay awake looking at the man I loved so much. The past nights events I could have never of imagined but everything felt so perfectly right that I knew there was not even any point looking back at what we had before that. I couldn't look at the past that had hurt so much when I was beginning to think I had the future I had always wanted starting right in front of me.

But what about Liam?

We weren't too serious but what should that really matter? I knew the heartache of when my father had an affair, I was the one who was stood beside my mother when she cried herself to sleep at night and couldn't love another man without the paranoia of being hurt like she was so many times before. I couldn't imagine that now I was turning into him, the man I had spent my whole life trying to escape from. I could never forgive him for his actions but soon enough I had followed in his footsteps. I didn't understand who I had become. I had so easily lost myself.

Before I could drown myself in these poisonous thoughts the man beside me began to stir. I wondered about what would happen if I just left right now - if I tell him it was all a mistake. If I tell him that I have a boyfriend who I really do enjoy being with then maybe I wouldn't have to have such heartache when all this takes the turn for the worst that it always seems to. It may not be what I want exactly but it seemed like the right thing to do.

"Good morning beautiful." But then his eyes meet mine and I can't help but fall in love over and over again. His eyes were what I fell in love with so long ago and seeing them right now, I knew nothing had changed. Those eyes held so many memories, both pain and love but they had the magic to take away any of the pain of what I felt. I knew this is what my heart wanted no matter how much my brain told me it was a bad decision. What we had was never easy so why did I ever imagine that the years we spent apart would change that?

"Good morning." He ran his hand over to meet my cheek and immediately knew my mind was not relaxed. He could tell in a second that something was wrong, I could never hide anything from this man, maybe that was another trait I fell in love with.

"What's wrong?"

I wanted to tell him how I felt but how would I word it? I loved him - I love him but I'm scared of that? I'm scared of the consequences of what I have caused for myself, that I will break people's hearts and they will never understand why I did all of this and that's why I'm scared? Nobody will understand the way this man makes me feel. Nobody will ever understand how much I love him so how am I supposed to put this into words? It's impossible. So I don't. I just smile and kiss him because that's what I want. Because I just want to be with him and I need to understand that I need to put myself first, not everybody else like I always do. This is where I belong, in his arms.

"Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong for the first time ever."