Love life

5.

When I looked in the peephole and saw my sisters face I didn't know what to do. Should I open it, should I not, why is she here anyways, maybe she know that James is here. So many thoughts ran thru my mind. I was taken out my thought by James coming up behind me.

"What's going on Gia, you've been down here for a while and I got a little worried", he whispered to me.  Amy continued to knock.

I put my finger over his mouth and mouthed for him to looked in the peephole. When he looked back at me his eyes widened. He started pacing back and forth. I wanted to burst into laughter but I held it in.

The knocking eventually stopped and she had left the porch, got into her car and drove off.

Amy usually don't come round so it was kind of weird that she did come here. It's like she knew her Husband was here because out of all days she decide to pop up on the day he come here.

"Why did you come here, why did you kiss me" I said breaking the silence.

"To apologize",  he looked at me with sincere in his eyes.

Tears began to form my eyes. The man that I loved so much left me when I needed him more than ever. He was the only guy I trusted. He made me feel like I had something to live for. When I got taken away from my parents it broke me tremendously. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. But when he came around he made all that go away. But when he left he took it with him. I put up this smile making it all seem ok but deep down inside I was hurting.

"To apologize huh, for leaving me even when you knew I needed you the most, for abandoning me like my parents did, huh, what are you apologizing for James", I yelled.

Maybe I was doing too much but if he felt the pain I felt he'll be doing the same thing.

"You know what James your full of shit, it took for you to run into me at my family's dinner so that you could come to your senses and apologize. You don't mean shit you say. I've had the same number since college and you couldn't be man enough to call me, text me, or even email me to say sorry. Just tell me you never cared in the first place because if you did you would have reached out, you would have been asked for my forgiveness years ago, you wouldn't have went out and got married to someone else and made her the mother of your child." Tears was streaming down my face at this point.

He began walking towards me with a pitiful look on his face.

"Gia, I know you don't want to hear anything I have to say at this point, but I was young and dumb. I never meant to hurt you Gia. Well hurting you wasn't my intentions. Gia you don't know how many times I've dialed your number but never called you. You don't know how many times I texted you but never pressed the send button. Men have a good way in hiding they feelings. They'll go days, weeks, months, or even years protecting their pride as a man. Your right it took for me to see you two years later to understand how much I fucked up. I've been with several different girl in two years trying to find you in them but I couldn't. Amy was a mistake, but now that she's pregnant with my kids I can't do nothing but be there for her. We both was drunk and one thing led to another. And she's not my wife. She told her parents that because she knew they'll be mad at her for getting pregnant before marriage."

"James, I want you to leave. It still doesn't change the fact that you left. Do me a favor and marry her for real, because you and I will never be the same." I tried to walk pass him to my room. He grabbed me and pressed me into the wall. Both my arms above my head. He looked into my eyes  and his mouth latched onto mines. He kissed me like never before, he kissed me like his apology was sincere, he kissed me like he loved me.

I managed to get out of his hold and broke the kiss. I walked over to the door and opened it.

"James please leave, and never come back", I pointed out the door looking down at my feet.

"But Gia I'm-"

"Leave", I yelled as tears came down my face.

He finally left and I slammed the door and fell to my knees crying.

I never knew love felt like this. Yes I loved him but I knew I had to let go.