The Magicians Eliot's Flame Dance

Please, Don't Go

A/N: All italic writing is a alternate universe playing out and is not real

Ever since Eliot lost James, he hasn't been the same, and quiet honestly it's been scaring us all. Somethings broken.

Its been months now and all he does is get drunk, high, and basically trying to slowly kill himself. He's been distant with both me and Margo and honestly, it's getting to the point where I don't know how to help anymore. I love him. We both love him, just in different ways, but we'd do anything for him but he isn't letting us. He's giving up...

It was a weekend for us so I decided to check on him, so I walked over to the bar hangout area. "Hey Eliot...." I mumbled, sort of worried to see what state he is in. 

His eyes were red and laying on the couch, eyes fully dilated, his eyes full of tragic pain. I know it sounds cheesy....But it is the only way to word it.

I wanted to tear up, it always hurt seeing him like this and feeling worthless in any means to help him. He jumped as if he just noticed me, "Mmmm hey." I frowned and walked over to him, seating myself by his feet, moving them on my lap so I could sit by him. He just stared at the ceiling. "Eliot, are you high?" I asked slowly. He chuckled, "Maybe, I can never tell anymore." My heart dropped, I wanted to tell him I loved him and everything would be okay but I knew it'd only get worse. I rubbed his leg lightly as he lit a cigarette and took a puff. "Uhm.....We...We have a job to do..." I mumbled, looking down at the floor. "What is it?" He asked as he watched the smoke from the cigarette dance in the air. "Quentin...Penny and Alice...They think the Beast is coming again soon..." My eyes never leaving the floor. "Mm." he mused. "Okay, when do we do this?" I shrugged. Eliot nodded and finally looked at me. He stared at me for a minute and slowly moved his legs off my lap and sat up, next to me, wrapping a arm around me,placing my chin between his index and middle finger and tilted my face up to look at him. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, his skin pale and almost emotionless but put on a little weak smile, "I'll be okay, Alex...." I sucked in a deep breathe and plastered a smile on my face to give him maybe a little reassurance, "I know I just didn't want you to get upset when I brought up..." He shook his head, "Has to be done. Bring them in." I got up, walked down the hall and gathered the gang up as everyone walked in. Eliot seemed to sober up a bit as he sat in the corner of the couch. "Hey Eliot..." Quentin spoke quietly. "Hey." Eliot responded, "What's the plan?" "That's what we are trying to figure out...Actually." "So any ideas?" Eliot asked. "Well...We could all go to Fillory together..." "And then, what? Penny almost got captured there." I spoke up, "But we can't just wait here either." "Or, we can do some research and explore the place so we DON'T get caught, maybe find some sort of map." 
"It'll take too much time." Margo spoke. "Well, it's either do something or we don't. But I think researching and just going to see will be the best option." "I think we should play out every scenario there is..." Alice suggested. "That will take too long  as well." Quentin argued. "Okay, then lets make a vote. All in favor for my idea, raise your hand." I raised my hand, as so did Eliot, Penny, and Margo, Alice raised hers as well. Quentin shook his head looking pissed at Alice but said nothing in return. "What's the spell?"I asked. Alice pulled out a spell book and flipped through it. "We need some blood from each of us and a wooden aged bowl, crimson candles. We have to sit in a circle and imagine each scenario, do the Latin chant, and we'll be put in that exact reality and time of how it will play out." Alice explained. 

I nodded gathering the supplies and everyone got in a circle on the floor, I put the crimson red colored cinnamon and dragons blood scented red candles in front of each of them. I got a knife for each of us to be sanitary and slid my wrist , bleeding into the bowl. I was used to cutting. I was used to the pain. I did it without thought, almost, without hesitation or emotion not even thinking they'd notice. I looked at the drops of blood drop down into the bowl to find eyes on me. I looked up to find someone staring at me and Eliot's eyes trailing down to my wrist to see my other scars. My scars from my past. Quentin looked at me like he saw something familiar, something he'd known for a life time as if he related. I looked at him the same way knowing where he has been. The things he have told me the frightening painful places of being told you are crazy and sick when you are unhappy and you're mind is melting with your emotions set up by it's own paradox. I knew Eliot could understand too, but it was more numb for him. Right now at least, and maybe forever for all I am concerned. He's the tragic character, the solemn and the tormented, after all. Margo sort of seemed shocked, but pretended not to notice while Alice darted her eyes down before I could even read her. Penny was the most affectionate believe it or not, and his eyes opened up to be empathy and let out a small smile at me. I let one break out across my face. "Come on guys...." I spoke up, "we are all freaks and we all get our scars from somewhere, and for most of you, that place is here, and now." Everyone nodded and got down to work dropping there blood into the bowl. We took each others hand, so I was holding Eliot's and Quentin's. I felt Eliot lightly rub his thumb over my index fingers knuckle. I let out a small smile and rubbed his back lightly. I felt Quentin's hand hold mine tightly almost affectionately and compassionately as if he gained more understanding, as I squeezed back I knew I began to gain a greater understanding for him too. 

We played through scenario after scenario over and over but we always die, every possibility we couldn't agree on, we die. It began to take a toll...It began to physically hurt me and it sure as hell hurt the rest of us.

I walked into the Brakebills Hall, we were doing Margo's old idea of seeing what will happen if we prepare for the Beast and let it come to us.

I walked down the hall with Penny as we looked for everyone. It was so quiet either everyone died or everyone was in a class. We walked into Mr. Foggs classroom to find a massacre. I began to shake as the tears dropped from my eyes for the millionth time today. Quentin, everyone were on the floor, bled out from there nose, eyes and mouth, and collapsed in a pile of their own blood as most students were hanging out from the window with shards of glass from the remaining windows, steaked on top of them hanging off of them around the walls painted red with blood. I looked over the floor full of my dead friends and classmates to see Eliot collapsed on the floor  with a shard of glass still cutting into his hand and standing high in his chest with Margo on top of him, hugging his waist with a gun in her hand and a bullet hole in her head. "NO!" I screeched in pain, as my chest withered and ached in pain as I fell to the floor while my jeans absorbed their blood as I kneel beside them, crying over them, shaking. "Alex, Alex..." Penny said shakily, standing behind me, "We got to go."  I didn't respond. It felt to real to be fake, it always does, time after time again of pain and torment of the imagery I will never be able to erase again. I bawled into Eliots' shoulder as I held his still warm body in my arms and stroked Margo's hair behind her ear, clinging to them. "You can't do this to me!!!" I screamed weeping and bawling over them, not caring of the shard of glass by leg scratching through my jeans. "Alex!" Penny commanded as he pulled me up, hugging me tight. "They are gone, they are gone, sweetheart they are gone we got to go." I balled my fist as  I shoved and slammed them against his chest as I tried to pull away from them, "NO! NO NO, GOD please NO!" I whimpered as Penny fought back into a hug as I slowly gave up and just let him hold me. My eyes turned puffy red as my face was flush and pain from the tight expression of crying and tears streaming down my face. My eyes widen and tormented from the images and the fact my best friend and the ones I love have perished and left this world this way all because. Of. Him. 

We heard footsteps clicking down the hall as a moth fluttered inside and rested on top of my head. Penny and I quickly sprang into action and hid behind Eliot's now banged up liquor cabinet and waited. "Oh, you think you are so clever." The Beasts deep and amused voice rang through the room. "You think I can't smell, you? You poor, poor idiotic children!" He laughed. I looked over at Penny to see him starting to breathe harder, and wheeze. I began to panic and try to do a healing spell but nothing worked. I grabbed his arms as he shook his head and pushed me away. He began to suffocate and fall to the floor and bleed from his eyes and nose, mouth and drown in his own blood just like the rest of them. My tears streamed down silently. "Oh you're tears....You're beautiful tears, Alex. They smell so sweet and full of youth and young love. You're suffering is absolutely delicious." I shakily stood up and turned around. Looking right at the moth  balls head. I did a shock wave full blast ball directly at him while he snapped my neck and I watched myself lifelessly lay there next to Penny as we looked at each other but to see no vision but blackness from the sudden light switch that had been turned off in our minds from our death. But the moth man did take a pretty brutal hit since I hit his ass first.

And then, good morning!

I gasped and wheezed waking up from the millionth freak show plausibility of all our lives. My eyes opened to see Eliot's eyes looking right at me as his tears stream down. I screamed still in shock from what had happened. "Shhh, shh, you're fabulous, you're Alex....We are all here..." He spoke softly as he cupped my cheeks, pressing his forehead to mine and hugging me close. I slowly nodded as I looked him in the eyes. His dark brown eyes always calmed me down and so did his hugs. I slowly pulled away to look everyone over who were also crying or extremely quiet, holding there loved ones or looking down at the floor. 

It was a long moment of silence until Penny spoke up with absolute depression and uncertainty in his voice, "So what now?"