People Like Us (Boy x Boy)

Euphoria

Xavier POV

I stared at Brendan, unable to comprehend what he'd just said. He looked away from me, his cheeks tinged pink as he stared down at the bottle. "W-what did you just say?" I asked. Brendan held his hands out in front of him, staring at him as if they would give him the answers he was searching for. He took a deep breath and looked up at me, meeting my eyes. 

"I said," he paused," ...show me."

My mouth went dry and my eyes immediately dropped to his lips. "How?" I whispered. I barely noticed as we leaned toward each other, our faces inches apart. His eyes swam with indecision as he bit down on his bottom lip. I could feel heat spreading in my core and I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. I almost didn't catch his next words.

"Kiss me."

There was a pause.

And then we were falling into each other. His lips attached themselves to mine and with that first kiss, something bright and euphoric exploded within me. I felt a sense of rightness that I hadn't felt in a long time as his lips pressed roughly against mine. His hands tangled in my hair, pulling me closer, before his lips softened. I could feel something palpable between us but I couldn't describe the emotion. All I knew was that there was nowhere else I wanted to be but here. 

Our tongues battled for dominance before I finally gave in, letting him explore my mouth. He tasted like alcohol and strawberry lemonade. I put my hand on his chest, feeling the smooth muscle beneath his shirt. He groaned against my lips, pulling me closer. I was  feeling heady with need. I knew he was too from the way his heart raced beneath my palm.

All of a sudden, he pulled away from me, his eyes wide. His lips were red and swollen and his breathing deep and heavy. He looked at me with wonder as though he'd just discovered something that he never thought he would. 

"Brendan," I whispered. We were on the verge of something here. I could feel it. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this moment could make or break us. And he held all the power to break me.

He looked away from me, rubbing his chest as though he were in pain. "I'm not gay," he whispered. Something in my chest constricted painfully and I felt as though my throat was closing up. "I'm not gay," he said again as he looked up at me. This time, there was fire in his eyes mixed with some other emotion I couldn't discern. "I'm not gay," he said one more, weakly. "I can't be."

I tried to speak, tried to say something, but the words were lodged in my throat. Instead, I stood up on shaky legs and limped out of the room. I felt as though I was in a haze. There was an ache that spread across my chest, making it difficult to breathe. My eyes burned with un-shed tears as I made my way down the staircase and towards the front door. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe.

I was at the door when I felt a hand grip my shoulder, spinning me around. A muffled groan escaped my lips as my back collided painfully against the door, twinging from the still healing bruises. I opened my mouth to speak, when he silenced me by pressing his lips against mine. 

"Xavier," he whispered as he pulled back slowly. "I'm not gay." He kissed my lips. "I can't be." He kissed me again. "I just can't." This time, he pressed his body tightly against mine, gripping my face in his hands as though I were the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground. He groaned as he parted my lips with his tongue. 

I knew this was wrong. I knew before I placed my hands on his waist, gripping his hips that I would get hurt. It was inevitable. He was going to hurt me. But in that moment, with his lips against mine and his body pressed against my body, I didn't care about the hurt that was sure to come. I only cared about what could have been.

Brendan's POV

What was happening to me?

I looked up at the ceiling, eyes wide open as Xavier slept next to me. His breathing was even though he snored a little. I rolled over to look at him. His lashes were long. I'd never really noticed that before, but now that he was so close to me I could see them. There was a little mole on the side of his nose that I'd also never noticed before. He looked so peaceful. My eyes trailed down to his swollen lips and I flushed at the memory.

After chasing after him, we'd gone back up the stairs and fallen into the bed. No clothes had come off, but I'd laid with pressed against my chest, kissing him, memorizing the contours of his face with my lips. There had been something extremely intimate about the moment. It scared me because I didn't know what that meant. Was I gay? I still liked girls. I know I did. I had to. Right?

I'd never thought about Xavier in a romantic way before. Hell, I'd never thought about any guy in a romantic way before. There was just no way that I was gay. It had to have been the alcohol messing with my emotions and clouding my judgement. The alcohol made me like the way his body felt close to mine. It was the reason that I now reached my hand over to the small patch of exposed skin on his back and traced my thumb in circles there. 

His skin was hot to the touch. I knew he still had bruises on his back. I'd seen them earlier though he still refused to tell me how he'd gotten them. I also didn't believe that lie he'd told me about tripping on the stairs and twisting his ankle. Something was seriously wrong with his situation and I had to find out why. I had to protect him. 

Xavier shivered in his sleep and moved closer to me. His arm came up and wrapped itself around my waist as he nestled his head on my chest. I froze, surprised, before wrapping one arm around him. There was something comforting about this. It had been so long since I'd been in bed with someone like this and not had sex.

Not that I wanted to have sex with Xavier. I didn't. Because I'm not gay. I'm not. 

So why did I feel like I was trying to convince myself of that?