Exiled|slash

If He Was Vivid I Was Subdued

4

If He Was Vivid I Was Subdued

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The fourth of July

I hate to sound bitter when I say you had completely ruined this holiday for me. Which I guess wasn't that hard considering that I'm not exactly the most American go hard around. But you took an everyday holiday and turned it into something magical setting the bar so high that I could never be fulfilled again. But I mean I guess you did that for everything right?

Now not only was the Fourth of July the, well, Fourth of July it was also your birthday. Which just so happened to be the most important day of all time as you like to call it and secretly I did too. But one of the best things about your birthday is that you didn't do mundane presents like gift cards. No you had a bucket list of something you could cross out each year for the rest of your life which you had decided would end at the golden age of eighty three.

I don't remember all of them but I do remember the one you picked for that year, the big 18th. You wanted you and I with a giant group of friends to go into a country club and set off fireworks. I remember thinking, well what's the point in that? You alone set fireworks everywhere you go. And I was simply another person at the park oohing and ahing at the blinding explosions of you putting one foot in front of the other.

(I know, I was drowning in that bastard so deep that I think I became apart of him. So, consumed that I couldn't even tell that I wasn't alone.)

I still remember that look in your eye the bright twinkle in those light green eyes that told me you'd go with or without me. Because you were that kind of person who believed in being completely honest and never made a promise you couldn't keep. I always respected that but I'm too much of coward to face it head on. I sometimes just wished you lied to me a little maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone.

I wish I could tell you about the party but I couldn't remember anything even if I wanted to. I was so consumed in the fireworks that I had been blinded and could see nothing but colored lights. These colored lights have clouded my vision ever since I can remember. And spelled out the boy that had completely turned my world upside down.

Jazz ( You can't see it but I'm making jazz hands.)

(Yes, I'm that fucked up.)

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A.n: God it feels like an eternity since I've written this chapter feels very different from my others. Do you guys think so too?

If so do you like it? Why are why not?

Bye dolls

-Kay