Life

{Rant}

*B#tch Warning*

Alright, I know nobody reads this. If someone reads this though, please don't be offended. This just my opinion; I'm not forcing you to read this. This includes rants of self-cutters

Loves,
Koala ❤

{Rant}

Okay, so I'm pretty upset today. I know I shouldn't be; It's hurts to talk about this without feeling guilty.

A while back, during 4th period, I saw my friend walking to the nurse and bathroom. She was stained with tears and vomit; her knuckles were red. I was so scared and asked what had happened, but she just refused to answer.

Later, I asked and she told me it had been a few years since her parent's divorce. She was depressed, so she smashed her knuckles into the wall and cried. Afterwards, she then told me that...
SHE MADE HERSELF VOMIT.

I couldn't believe this. I didn't show it, but I was more furious than feeling sympathy. I just was shocked that she would go this far to harm herself. I wanted to smack some sense, but I left it. She cuts herself, but I didn't think she would do that.

Her life isn't that great, but why would she do that for something so stupid?! There is war in Afghanistan, Starvation in third world countries, and many more children who would love to switch places with her. Yet, all she does to FIX herself is to sit and self-harm. I hate it and wish it would stop.

I know some self-harm because of abuse, traumatic moments that have or still are happening. I know that she has problems at home and at school. I understand that everyone takes things to a different perspective, but harming yourself is not a solution. I'm very sensitive and even the smallest comment leaves me crying; staying strong is difficult. However, I won't go and harm myself for something, yet talk to someone I cherish.

You may think that I shouldn't be so insensitive and I should be comforting her instead of this, but come on! I've tried to help and comfort her at her worse, but she ignores me and tells of how her problems are getting worse. She is very pessimistic.

I remember last year, during 1st period, a argument flustered between my friends, and I remember right when the flames died down, she was feeling depressed. I asked what was the matter, and next thing I knew, I was crying terribly. She showed me her razor and scars. That's when I first knew she would cut. I felt like it was my fault that she felt like this and I wasn't giving her enough attention, because my friends would leave me behind. I wanted to make her feel better.

Now, I feel like she's a attention seeker. I understand that you can easily be addicted to your own endorphin, which is realised when pain is inflicted. But, why do it in the first place? I hate that most of my friends, no... Most of the population at my school self-harms. I love my friends and would do alot for them, but when you see a loved one inflicting pain to themselves, wouldn't you be infuriated too?

One of my other friends got mad at me because I was telling her she wasn't mentally retarded and that she would make a lot of friends when she moves to Dallas. She was letting herself down and my other friend and I were being optimistic. She ignored me and was so pissed. I was just plain furious at her. I mean, don't call yourself mentally retarded if you aren't, cause you're being rude to children who are, and just because I say it's wrong to say something like that, it gives you the right to be in a lousy mood? I think not...

Next time, I'll agree with you and say sh*t, happy?

Maybe she had a wacky morning, I don't really know, but I just kinda felt hurt that she did that. I'm probably being a crybaby too.

Everyone has problems, so don't believe that you're alone in this world. I swear that something out there feels the same way. I just hate that some of my friends do this and expect the attention they really don't deserve. I know I am being very rude, but I swear to you that I love them. And to tell the truth, most of them are moving on and going through everyday obstacles.

I love them no matter what happens. I just get a tad upset at them, but adore them with my heart. I just really dislike the fact that they do this to themselves to calm themselves and feel better, when there's so many people who would hug you the second you shed a tear in your eyes.

Anyways, my rant is finally over, for whoever has took the time to read my poems and hear this rant, I want to thank you. Please, if you are having trouble, don't result to it and just stay strong. No matter what people say, or what I say that may hurt you, stay strong. ❤