She Started The Rain

2- Seeing you brought back feelings I had forgotten...

Chapter-2

Adaline:

"I'm home," I said closing the door behind me. It was something we did. Whoever came had to announce their entry. It started as a joke but it stuck.

"Welcome home." I heard Nolan said. He was smiling widely at me from the opposite side of the kitchen counter. He had shaved his beard and cut his hair short. I could see the little boy in him from my childhood. Subtle features. The dimple in his left cheek had been hidden in his beard earlier. Every time I looked at him now it felt like I was opening a closet I had fought to shut tight, the clothes and items spilling out. Each chapter in my book has always met a disturbing end. I never got to say a proper goodbye to the people I loved and left behind. I just left, abruptly. I want a do-over for every ending in my life.

Given another chance with Nolan, I would hug him. I would tell him sorry for not spending enough time with him. I want to smile like he does when he looks at me. I want to feel light. But every time I look at him, I feel the opposite. I feel regret, I feel wronged. By life. I want to hold him. I feel this pull towards him. Every time I allow myself to feel something for him I feel guilty like I am cheating. I feel a part of me loves him. The idea of him. The nights I spent crying for him. My skin longs to be touched.

Home, he gives a whole new concept to the word. The word shatters and rebuilds itself. He reminds me of cutting classes and late-night calls. There was this one time, he sneaked out to meet me only because I told him I wanted a hug. I miss myself. I've changed so many times. I don't like what I have become.

"Want some lunch? I made pasta." He looked up excited and seeing my face his smile faltered. I shook my head. I had been staring at him. He used to bake when we were kids. It was his thing with his mom. I was jealous of the relationship between them. Well, she's dead. No surprise there. Because nothing and no one so good ever last forever. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"I already ate." I lied turning around walking towards my room.

"Del. Can we talk?" He asked making me pause in my tracks.

"Later. I am really tired right now." I said with a fake smile. I closed the door behind me. I had started to spend most of my time inside my room. I wasn't comfortable with Nolan walking all over the apartment. He was usually sprawled on the couch watching T.V, or cooking, or eating, or hanging out with Rita and Cam. He was never. In. His. Room. He seemed to get along with everyone. He hadn't changed, he was the same. He had even charmed his way with Louise and Gloria with his million-dollar smile and food. I heard him say to someone that he was a chef. I was so happy for him when I heard that. I remember him wanting it so bad. His father was your typical patriarchal man who was against his son cooking: as a woman. I never liked his father. He could be so cruel sometimes.

A part of me was curious. I would try to eavesdrop when they talked. I want to know, what does Nolan do? I want to know everything about him. But I am scared. It's so easy to fall back in love with people. And I don't ever want to feel 'that' much ever again.

***

"Hey, come for dinner," Rita said opening the door and peeking inside. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you serious?" I asked recalling everyone's birthdays. We never had any meal together unless there was a special occasion.

"Yep. Nolan made it." Of course, he did.

"Okay. I'll be out in a minute." I said getting up. How do you swallow when you spot your ex at a restaurant? You try... then choke and die. Well, Nolan isn't an ex. Not in the literal sense. But he feels like one.

***

The table was filled with amazing looking food that smelled so good. "Well, this is a 'thank you' meal for you guys, for giving a roof over my head-" Nolan started to say when we were all seated, but I cut him off mid-speech.

"You still have to pay rent; you know that right?" I joked making everyone laugh.

"Don't worry, I will." He said with a smile. Every time he smiled at me it was different than how he smiled at others, his eyes crinkled and it felt like we were sharing a secret. When we were kids I remember telling him that he should always keep smiling, he has one of those smiles that could melt the hardest of hearts. But now every time he smiles at me I wonder how stone-cold have I become that I refuse to smile back. "This is the first dish." He said uncovering the dish in the middle. "Chicken stuffed with herby mascarpone." He sounds so fancy. Masca- what?

"I bought the ingredients with him," Rita announced serving herself food.

"It looks so good," Cam said. "I can't wait for dessert." Nolan looked at Rita with wide eyes at this comment. Is something going on?

"OMG, this food is so good," Rita said with her mouthful, making dirty sounds making others laugh. I smiled uncomfortably. "I was hoping, we could go for ice cream. So I didn't let him make any dessert."

"Don't talk with your mouthful," I said and then took a bite. Woah! This is so good.

"Yes, mom," Rita said in a serious tone. The others laughed.

"Man, how do you not have a job? This is excellent!" Cam exclaimed. He's unemployed?

"Thanks, man." He replied. "Do you like it?" He asked, looking at me expectantly like my opinion was the only one that mattered. I wonder how often he wishes to make his mother taste his dishes. She would be so proud. I hope he knows that. I wanted to kiss him. Is this normal? Was it the food? His dimple? His full lips?

"Yeah. It's good." I said quietly, after swallowing my bite. I was blushing so hard.

***

After the food, I was back in my room and the others sat outside watching TV, joking around. The dessert was forgotten. It was 2 am when I started to crave cake.

"I want cake," I announced, opening my door while wearing my jacket.

"Yay!" Rita screamed. They were playing cards and had asked me to join them but I had declined. "I want chocolate." She added.

"Pineapple," Cam said.

"You have the worst taste," I said shaking my head. "What bout you?" I asked Nolan.

"Can I come?" He asked. Umm, no.

"Yeah. You should go." Rita said looking at him, then me. "I don't wanna come. I have some work." Rita said looking serious.

"I don't feel like coming, either," Cam said shrugging.

"Why do you wanna come?" I asked him.

"I..." He started but looked at others for help. As if I had asked a tricky question.

"He wants to see the neighborhood." Cam supplied making my mouth fall. They were all tricking, trapping me. They probably just wanted to hurry up the me-accepting- back-Nolan situation.

"Yes. I really do." He said wearing his jacket. I was staring at Cam with narrow eyes.

"Fine." I sighed leaving without turning back or waiting for him. I can handle this. What's the worst thing that could happen? I can think of a few things, to be honest.

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