Secrets | Watty Awards Winner 2013

Chapter 18

The car ride is quiet. The gentle humming of the engine as we speed along the highway does nothing to soothe my frazzled nerves as I stare out at the seemingly unending landscape. I can sense the wheels and cogs turning in Ollie’s mind as he drives. With hooded eyes, I look at him carefully, admiring his profile. Ollie notices me staring and a dimpled smile works its way onto his face.

“So, should we make conversation or continue in awkward silence?” Ollie asks. His tone is light and teasing but I know the question is serious. I suck in my breath in apprehension before letting it out in a sigh.

“No. I just…” I trail off lamely before blurting out, “I’m sorry.”

Ollie raises an eyebrow at me, his gaze temporarily leaving the road to meet mine. “What for?”

“For the other day at the carnival,” I say. My hands feel slick with sweat and I can feel my heart racing in my chest. If it goes any faster, I am certain that it will break through my ribs and beat right out of my chest. Expressing my feelings has never been my strong point.

“No problems,” Ollie says and he smiles. If I hadn’t been watching him and seen the muscles in his cheek twitch as he’d said that, I would have believed him.

"So, what shall we talk about?"

"I don't know. I'm the worst at starting conversations, if you'll recall."

"That's not true," I frown. "You're great at conversation starters. You just can't do pick up lines to save yourself."

Ollie laughes. "Remember when I tried to pick up Chelsea Reynolds at the athletics carnival?"

"Don't remind me." I hide my smile. "Are you a sugar cube, coz damn that ass is sweet." I mimic Ollie's voice in an exaggerated manner. "That was the worst pickup line ever. You were fortunate that all she did was throw her drink in her face."

"True," Ollie grins. "But I never really cared about her. If I recall, you and me were doing a Ross and Rachel."

My face reddens. "We were on a break. An imposed one."

A long pause ensued. Finally, Ollie broke it with a question. “How's your dad, by the way?"

"He's practically back to normal, thanks for asking."

"Does he know you're doing this?" Ollie glances briefly over at me. "Do you know what you're going with this? What're you going to say to your mother once you meet her?"

And there it is- the elephant in the room being addressed. He's right, Ollie I mean. What the hell am I doing? I'm casting everything aside just to find a woman who's spent the better part of several years trying to avoid her family. Am I fucking insane?

I probably am, to be honest.

When I don't respond to his question, Ollie purses his lips then says, “Why don’t we listen to the radio?”

I nod, relieved that the silence in the car can finally be broken. Switching through the stations, I stop when I get to a station that’s playing a Bastille song. I like Bastille. I used to listen to their music all the time. Now, I don’t have a clue what the popular songs are.

Resting my head against the headrest, I close my eyes again. It isn’t long before the sweet tendrils of sleep start tugging at me but they fade when I feel a hand intertwine its fingers around mine.

“Ollie?” I stare at our clasped hands.

“Yeah?” I can see that he’s making a point not to look at me. I look back at our joined hands. His hand is warm and solid, reassuring and gentle. As much as I want to snatch my hand back, I like it where it is now.

“How long until we get to the next town?” I ask.

“About four and a half hours. We’ll have to stop at a service station soon,” Ollie says. The heat of his hand is causing goose bumps to rise on my skin.

“Okay.”

*

“Are you sure it’s down this hallway?” Ollie asks, irritation oozing from his words.

“Will you quit whining and shut up?” Will growls back. “I know what I’m doing.”

Balling his hands into fists, Ollie glares daggers at the back of Will’s head. I grimace as I trudge between them. This road trip has definitely been a bad idea. I have enough on my plate with having to deal with my upcoming meeting with my mother. I do not need two hormonal boys at each other’s throats the entire way there as well.

The dimly lit hallway finally ends and although the poor lighting makes my skin crawl, the motel we’re staying in seems quite well-kept, Will stops at the last door on the right and using the access key card, unlocks it. Pushing the door open, he gestures for me to enter.

“Ladies first,” he says with a soft smile. I send him a weary half-grin in return and almost stumble into the room. The first thing I notice is the formation of the beds. There is one double bed and one single bed.

I pretend not to care as I throw my duffel bag into a corner and pull out a different pair of pants and sweater to change into. Will and Ollie exchange wary glances as each take a look at the beds.

This is not going to end well.

“I’m going to use the bathroom first,” I announce. The boys mumble some sort of assent and as I walk to the bathroom on the east wall, I take quick glance around the room. Coming from a well-to-do family, this place is the trashiest I have ever been in voluntarily. There is a small television set in a corner that looks like it has come straight out of the 60s. A lumpy couch sits next to the small kitchenette and a table with a couple of chairs stands in another corner. The lighting is poor but bright enough to cast long shadows on almost every piece of furniture in the room.

Sighing, I close the bathroom door and lock it. Leaning my head against the thin wall, I take a moment to recover my senses before taking a quick shower. Feeling refreshed, I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to quell the apprehension and fear digging into the pit of my stomach. Somehow, I can’t tear myself away from the feeling that something is going to happen- something bad. Despite my best efforts to lie to myself, I know that it’s going to involve the two innocent people I’ve dragged into my mess.

Everything’s going to be fine, I repeat to myself but I’m a terrible liar.

Opening the bathroom door, I see Ollie and Will each doing their own things. They both look up at me when I enter and it makes my cheeks flush from the sudden attention.

“I’m going to bed,” I announce and all our eyes suddenly land on the beds. I can feel the tension rising in the room.

“I’ll take the couch,” Ollie offers and I almost heave a sigh of relief. I smile at him gratefully and he gives me a lopsided grin that makes my insides turn to mush.

“Ari, you can take the double-bed,” Will says, his eyes flickering to Ollie. The crease between his brows is more prominent in the dirty yellow light of the room and I realize that it hasn’t left since Ollie arrived.

This whole thing is a fucking mistake.

*****