Secrets | Watty Awards Winner 2013

Chapter 22

“Ollie?” My voice sounds hoarse and weak in the empty space.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Two apologies in two days- must be some sort of record,” Ollie jokes with a grin on his face. I force a smile onto my face but it falters when my bottom lip trembles in my effort to control my feelings.

“I never told you why I broke up with you,” I say softly.

Ollie’s head snaps up so fast that it cracks loudly, the sound piercing my eardrums and making me wince. He doesn’t seem disturbed by it and gazes at me intently. His lips are pressed into a thin line and I can see the storm of emotions on his face.

“Don’t tell me,” he says shortly. I look at him in confusion.

“What?”

“I know you only want to tell me because you think we won’t make it out of this mess. We will and when we do, you can explain everything to me over milkshakes and burgers,” Ollie says. He sets his jaw tightly and his eyes gleam fiercely. I feel my heart flip in my chest.

How had he known what I had been thinking?

I twist my hands, trying for the umpteenth time to loosen them but the ropes only dig further into my wrist, causing rope burn and cutting into my skin. I groan in frustration and I see Ollie looking at me with a blank expression.

“I hate her,” I say bitterly. “I hate her with every last cell in my body.”

“She’s still your mother,” Ollie points out and I scoff.

“Carrying me for nine months and giving birth to me does not warrant for much.”

“Maybe she has a reason.”

I glare at Ollie suspiciously. “Why are you defending her? She killed Micah and she’s the reason why we’re both tied up here.”

Ollie sighs and I see the conflicted look in his eyes. “I…” he starts to say then falters before shaking his head and continuing, “I just refuse to believe she’s such a monster.”

His eyes meet mine and I look away. Deep down, neither can I. The childish part of me wants a different explanation for this mess- one that doesn’t involve my mother being part of it at all. I don’t want to believe the blatant truth right in front of my eyes. I just… I just want things to go back to normal- before everything got so fucked up.

“I just don’t understand why she would do all this,” I say and my voice cracks at the end of the sentence. The pain had been bad when I’d thought my mother had died. It had been barely bearable when Micah had been murdered but now, it is engulfing me whole. It’s eating me alive. It’s drowning me and I can’t even see where the surface was.

“Some things aren’t meant to be understood.”

The tear that had been forming in my eye dries up immediately as the door to the room swings open and my mother walks in.

“Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat, right?” I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly, ignoring the urge to lunge out of my chair and wrap my fingers around my mother’s smooth white throat.

My mother ignores me as she walks in between Ollie and I. I see Ollie’s eyes flicker to mine uncertainly before returning to my mother.

“Mrs Chambers?” His tone is confused and hurt.

“My name is Mrs Ferguson now,” my mother says then adds, “but you can call me Anne.”

I study her back. Nothing about her back has changed from what I remembered as a child. Maybe it’s just my memory being fuzzy.