Feelings

This Is Not Right

"Jay, just stop. Please? I don't think I'm ready." I say as I scoot from underneath him.

" Really Keona? You damn near 21 years old,and you still 'not ready'? we been going through this for 4 years key, why you playing?" he said in frustration.

Honestly this didn't feel right. None of this felt right. His lips were rough and he tasted like black and mild's. His hands felt like sandpaper on my skin and his kisses never gave me the butterflies I thought a kiss should bring. I thought it was me. I thought that maybe if I stayed I would grow more comfortable, I thought with time I would be ready. But its been way too long and I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I don't know why this feels so wrong.

" Jayson I wanted this to be special."

" Well how about we make Friday the special night? I'll make it right Key."

I loved him, but that was it. I wasn't in love with him. After all this time I couldn't fall in love with him, even if he did make the night special would it change my feelings. Would candles and roses make me fall in love?

"Okay jay, ill be ready then. I promise." I had to try, for him. he loved me and he stayed all this time, I had to try.

"Key, we will make this work. We will."

I could only hope he was right, but in my heart I knew that it was no way that this could feel right.