Feelings

What She Doesn't Know

Jayson

I'm lost. Confused. Killing myself quietly in my thoughts. Its been 4 years, and I stayed. Its been 4 years and I was safe. I stayed for 4 years not because I was in love, but because I was scared. Scared that her and everyone else would find out that my heart could never belong to Keona.

Its the day before my special night with Keona, and I don't think I can do it. I think she knows that something is up, things have just been different. All those times I tried to push her into sex, I knew she wouldn't do it. I count on those days, but now she was serious. It was going to happen, and all because she thought I wanted it to happen. I don't feel the connection with Keona that I know I should. Even after 4 years it wasn't there and I doubted it ever would be.

I pull up to the house across town that I knew all too well. I always find myself in the same place, like it has a magnetic pull on my heart and I just cant stay away. I know its wrong, but I cant stop. Being here is like being at Disney. My stomach filled with the anticipation of being with the one who truly has my heart. For 5 years I have been dealing with this battle inside, because I knew our relationship was wrong. Sometimes you cant break bad habits and if loving him is wrong then nothing can be right.

I use my key to open the door and I hear the shower running. I sneak in the bathroom just admiring the glorious body in front of me before making my presence known. Watching the suds roll off of the chiseled crevices of his chocolate skin, I think of all the things we have been through. We stuck together through it all, but I cant keep hurting Keona. She deserves to know the truth. Because what she doesn't know, is that I am in love with another man. And that man just so happens to be her brother.