DirkJake fluff

I Had No Idea.

|Im just gonna put a trigger warniING RiGHT Now this chapter has several sensitive topics so just be cautious.||

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you had been in a bad state of mind for a long time. You couldn't say it wasn't your fault because you didnt ever go to help. You just let yourself keep slowly digging deeper and deeper into that dark abyss.

Then Jake came around and he lifted you from it just a tad. When you moved in together, Jake devoted most his time to work to pay pills and buy groceries. On those days, you were alone. But on one particular day, you did something that'd change everything.

It started with just small nicks on the front of your thighs, progressively getting longer and possibly deeper. The wrist was a place you stayed away from. Every god damn person and their dog said that was where you cut to get attention. But it had never been a thing where you wanted attention. Not once.  The other reason was because you didn't wanna fuck it up one day and be found and taken to a hospital. That'd just prove how useless you were for not even succeeding at giving up. 

As the seasons changed, your thoughts on the wrist changed. You suddenly started scraping small nicks there too. You started with your upper arm. Almost your shoulder and progressed down your arm to your wrist. That was how you always did it. Winter started flooding in and that was about the time you started on your wrists and arms. But it only seemed natural to wear long sleeves then and Jake never really questioned it. 

There was one specific drawer that kept your heart rate high and fast. A drawer filled with exacto blades, pencil sharpener blades, bloody tissues and rags with small spots of blood stained to them as well. 

You remember at one point, Jake had started complaining about how his exacto blade had gone missing and that feeling of dread that flooded your brain when he asked you if you knew where it was. Of course you knew where it was. It was sitting in that wooden drawer, with dried blood on it. But you wouldn't dare tell Jake that.

Hell, you didn't really tell Jake anything. You didn't really think he cared.

You were wrong. Oh so very wrong.

One evening, Jake took it upon himself to look for a screwdriver. And he had gone straight for that drawer. You had been in the kitchen pouring a glass of apple juice when he slowly emerged from the hallway. All you had to do was look at his expression and you knew what had happened.

fuck.

You needed an escape plan. Right now. Jake's eyes were glossy and before you could even open your mouth to say anything, he was crushing you in a tight hug. A hug that all on its own said 'Im sorry'. He let out a body trembling sob and it broke your heart into several shattered pieces. He murmured things like sobbed apologies and sweet nothings into your neck.

You didn't know you were crying until Jake was kissing your tears away. "I had no idea Dirk.." His expression was so terrifyingly sad you wanted to throw up as he wrenched your sleeve up and you saw him break down once more as he skimmed his fingers over your scars and was even more gentle over fresher wounds.

Weak. Your knees were weak and wobbling before you collapsed right there, falling into his embrace and buried your face deep into his neck and clutched his shirt with all your grip and cried. The type of sobbing that makes your whole body shake, at that.

Jake bathed you that night, he treated you as if you were to break if the wind blew too harshly. He told you he wouldn't pay so much attention to work and he'd take days off to help you. He said he'd never leave your said ever again. That's what you needed this whole time, just someone to be there and tell you everything was going to be alright. Support instead of being alone. 

And for once, you felt hope. Like things just might get better from here. And you believe it too.

Your name is Dirk Strider, and everything is going to be alright.