You promised

No. 38

> Camila's pov
• 12:12 pm // Monday, April 13

"Camila." Mother yells from outside the bathroom door.

"Yes?" I ask. I sit in the bath tub, hugging my knees. I feel terrible, like all I can do is sit in the bath tub, waiting to be clean. I've been sitting here for almost an hour and I still feel dirty.

"Baby, you've been in there for an hour. Come on out."

"Comin'." I answer and step out. I wrap myself in a towel and wait for my mother to exit my room. I walk out and she's laid out some pj's to crawl into.

The doctor said I should take Monday off of school, and to be safe, he suggested I take Tuesday off.

I walk downstairs to the living room and sit next to my mother on the couch. She smiles at me and hands me a cup of tea.

"How do you feel?" She asks me.

"Fine." I force a smile.

"Camila." She sighs. "Don't lie to me."

I shrug. "I don't know." I look down. My eyes are starting to swell and they fill with tears. "I'm just- I feel so scared."

"Aw my poor baby." I mother takes my cup of tea and sets it on the coffee table. She hugs me and rubs my back. "You're gonna be safe. I promise. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I wipe my tears and pull away from my mother.

I grab my tea and take a sip. "Has uh- Have you heard anything from Hayes?" I ask. I haven't gotten any calls from him. He didn't even FaceTime me last nigh.

Mom shakes her head in sorrow. I nod and look down. I wouldn't know what to say to him. Does he even know? What do I tell me boyfriend? 'Hey babe, I was almost raped and killed on Saturday and I'm scared.'. That sounds like a great sentence starter. (Please note the sarcasm).

"Camila, your dad and I have been talking and we think you need to attend therapy."

Therapy? I'm not crazy. I think about it for a minute or two and I agree. I don't know if this fear will ever go away. I can't live my life fearing someone is out to get me or hurt me. If I don't face this fear how will I let Hayes touch me without being scared? I need this.

"Okay. When do I start?"

"Whenever you're ready."

"The sooner the better. How about at six?"

"Sound great."

_

"How are you feeling right now?" The therapist soothingly asks.

I close my eyes and try to relax. She said I should just let my body relax and speak what I feel. "I feel dirty and numb."

"What do you mean numb?"

"Like I've lost control. I'm helpless."

"Camila, what makes you feel this way?"

"I don't kn- I shouldn't have called max. He's in the hospital because of me. I'm a terrible friend." I cry.

"No you're not. What if you died? Don't you have people who care about you?"I nod and more tears roll down my cheeks. "Who?"

"My family. My friends. Hayes."

"Who is Hayes?"

"My boyfriend. I love him so much. He hasn't even called me. He's probably disgusted."

"Why would he?"

"Because another man touched me." I cry. Memories of that night return without a warning. It's so vivid I feel like I'm almost reliving it. "He touched me, he touched me."

I fall to my knees and I sob.

"Camila." My therapist whispers. She sits next to me on the floor and holds my hand. "Shhhh. Listen to me." I try to calm myself. I sound like a child, trying to catch their breath. "You are a strong beautiful women. No man will ever take that from you. You fought your hardest to prevent this man from raping you. He touched you, yes. But you know what, you kicked his ass." She smiles. I smile and giggle softly. "You knocked his fat ass on the ground with a baseball bat. Sweetie, you are strong. You will overcome this. You're boyfriend, Hayes, will not look at you differently because of what you went through. Instead he will man up and comfort you in your time of need. You're family, friends, classmates look at you and see a fierce women who fought hard. This is not your fault."

I smile and wipe my tears. "Thank you." I whisper.

"I hope to see you tomorrow again. In a week, I promise, you'll over come this fear. Your homework for tonight is to call your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. Talk to your family and know, that you are strong and you are in control."

_
11:43 pm

In the past ten minutes, I've been trying to call Hayes. He hasn't answered. I push my laptop away and cover myself in my bed sheets. I get a FaceTime call from Nash. I answer it and Hayes pops up.

"Camila." He sighs. His eyes are reddened and swollen. His hair is ruffled and his cheeks are stained with tears. "Baby I'm sorry."

I immediately start to cry. I cannot see Hayes cry. It hurts me so much. I shake my head. "Hayes don't."

"Baby, I should have been there. I-It's my job to protect you. I needed to have been there and I wasn't and-"

"Hayes." I stop him. I put my hand on the screen and I close my eyes. I just want to feel him. I need to hold him. "Baby, I'm fine."

He shakes his head and looks down. "No- baby I promise I'll be there soon. Give me a few day. I'll change my flight if I have to."

"No. I'm doing therapy. I can't- I need this week. Just give me this week. I need you Hayes. I'm- I'm scared. I need some time to get over this fear that is tearing my insides."

"I'm so sorry my love. I love you so much. I just need to see you."

"Just give me this week. This is something I need to do. For myself."

"You're so strong baby girl. You'll get through this. I'm here baby. I love you."

My heart breaks. I fear of being afraid of Hayes' touch. And it terrifies me the most that I might never get the chance to feel joy in Hayes's touch because of what that man has done.

_