Monophobia -SehunxLuhan-Luhan's p.o.v

Cube 26

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"Luhan-Luhan...stop just listen to me...hyung?" I heard Chen from the door and my trembling hands stopped shoving the ungodly amount of clothes into my small bag- what was I doing?

My chest heaved in pain as I could barely see through the heat waves of tears. My vision was hazy with exhaustion and I couldn't tell if I was done. "...Hyung. What are you doing" Chen's voice trembled and his hand dropped from the door knob to walk deeper into the cold room.

I wiped my face, feeling overheated and the tears stung into my eyes again, seeing that Chen wasn't looking at me, but what I was doing...Don't cry.

"I-I...it hurts Chen.- Just don't worry about it-.".  "What hurts Lu? Just calm down." Chen took the bundle of clothes out of my hands and a whimper left the back of my throat as I let myself sigh shakily.

I looked up to the ceiling, feeling light and searching for any type of release...why I was so tired.

What Chen didn't know was that when he laid down in his nice bed with whomever he desired, he could close his eyes and not worry about anything, he would always be taken care of, he wouldn't have to worry about letting anyone down, he would never have to know how it feels to be thousands of miles away from your home. He doesn't know that 4 a.m. knows my name far too well, far too often, far too unwanted...

Chen gazed at me for a second, just in case I spoke. When my mouth stayed in a fine line he took more of the piled up clothes on my bed to fold them again and place them into my drawer, but he stopped suddenly... "Are you that ready to leave us...?"

Chen pushed my duffle bag off of the bed, smoothing out the light spread on my bed so I could sit comfortably and I tried to stop crying-It was embarrassing. I was embarrassing. Chen was my dongsaeng-He shouldn't have to take care of me like this.

"Don't put us through this-Kris didn't talk to us and he suffered alone...Please Lu." " Stop mentioning Kris...Just stop." Running a hand through my hair-after digging red angry lines on my arms. I needed to calm myself down before I started to scare him.

"I'm sorry-I just wanted you to talk to me," " Lu, I don't know wh-" "just tell me why this hurts so bad..." I raised my voice and let my face sink into my palms heavily. How did he know ? He was the only reason why leaving was so difficult, he's the reason why I'm not gone...

He heard no response so he continued, " I'm serious ... You either want to leave -or stay - for Sehun he finished. I felt his hand touch my leg and I sighed knowing that if I left like Kris did not only would Sehun be completely alone, but Lay would be the only one to watch over him- and I knew he had Chen to take care of as well...

"Just hold me hyung." I said weakly - my eyes growing too  heavy for me to want to keep open, my bones were struggling- my body completely drained and I was utterly exhausted.

I found myself letting my head fall onto Chen's lap- my body relaxing, but my mind would never let me ever really be content. I don't know if I had realized that I just called Chen my hyung or if I just needed him to act like one for me, only for that moment.

So I just let my body curl up against him, feeling his fingers slowly draw circles against my oversized sweater until I thought that it was okay to doze off.

"Chen? Can I rest now...?"

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First story on my new account.   사랑해요.