My body's aching. It hurts. I know I can eat. I can eat one hundred calories.
No. I won't. If I don't have to, I wont.
But i'm weak.
Deal with it.
Okay. But what if I faint?
Too bad.
They'll know.
They do know.
Why?
Because you're not good enough.
I lost another pound.
Not enough.
I'll try harder.
Good.
It hurts.
I said that last thing aloud. Topanga turns to me. She's sitting at the end lf the couch.
"Then eat."
"I can't."
What does that mean? She can't. She can't eat. She's curled on the end of the couch, Riley in the arm chair. Shawns coming to help. But I don't think he can. How do you make someone eat. It seems so easy. But it's not. Especially when you don't have the authority over them that their mother does, but even then, It doesn't seem like it's stopping them. Maya pushed herself up. Her arms are shaking. I take her hand and help her to her feet.
"Go get ready for bed." I tell the girls. They nod.
"Maya?" She's sitting on the edge of Riley's bed but her back is away from me. "Maya, you never changed." She shrugs but doesn't look. "Then change." I wait a moment. She was waiting for Riley to leave. Now me. But I won't. I meed to see this for myself. "I'm mot leaving." She pulls her shirt over her head and in the quick time before she gets the other on, all I see is a skeleton and the back of her bra. My hand travels to my mouth. It feels like I am looking at my own daughter having done that to herself. That's what Maya's always been like. And now, I see this. She finished as walks past me, drowning in her Rolling Stones shirt, the end of her shorts and her sticks of legs out the bottom. What do I do? I place my hand on her shoulder. She looks up.
"Why?" No answer. There's a knock on the door.
Lucas's POV
Riley opens the door. I see Maya walk in, a teary eyes Mrs.Matthews behind her.
"Hey. I wanted to talk to Maya. Alone." She comes over to me. I take her tiny hand and lead her out, feeling something under my thumb. When closing the door, I look, but she's moved her arm behind her back.
"What?"
"Well, since you're not sick, have a Hershey." I hold it out.
"No thanks."
"Maya."
"No."
"You're sick."
"Who cares!" She lashes out.
"Everyone! Ever fucking one of us, Maya." The door opens.
"Seriously, Maya. Does this look like we don't care."
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean? Did you mean to put up a wall? You don't get it Maya. You don't understand that you've pushed you're body further then you can on as little as you can and it's over!" I'm yelling. I don't care. "Because you can't win this, Maya. This is a battle you can't win."
"I noticed."
"You don't know. You think you don't need to eat and the most important thing is that you don't."
"You think I'm that shallow? Lucas, this is something that had taken over my life, but it would never be the most important thing. Don't you understand anything about me?"
"No. No, I don't." She turns and walks downstairs the hallway.
"I'm sorry about saying you had gained weight. I didn't think you'd take it this far."
"It wasn't your doing."
"You've always felt that way?"
"Why would I tell you anything like that, now?"
"Good point." I watch her enter the staircases and the door shut. Mr.Matthews opens it.
"Where'd she go."
"She left."
"Lucas! She's my responsibility, right now."
"Well, what are you doing to do if she dies. Are you still going to say that."
"Ya, I would. You should try it too."
"I'm not taking the blame for her taking this too far. I said one comment that was barely true months ago."
"It's not your fault. But you can't let her leave because she's upset. I've learned that whenever you let someone walk out of a room in a fight, there's a chance they might not come back."
"I don't want to loose her."
"So don't let her go."
"The sayi-"
"It's not true in this case. If you ket her go, she won't come back. She'll die. This thing has better ahold of her feelings then any of us could have of hers. Even you."
"Even? Cause I'm pretty sure I don't have much control over it."
"You've got the most. She always does what you say. And she's Maya."
"I'll tell her to stop and she wont."
"You're not fighting Maya. You're fighting her eating disorder. They're not the same."
"I'll remember that."
