You Were Mine

Very Pretty

A delicate knock on the door woke Justin from his light nap.
"Food is here." Conner poked his head around the door frame and smiled at , a few brown bags clutched in his hands tightly.
Justin smiled back weakly and peeled off the sheets from his aching body. He was so tired, everything hurt and he was still in a daze from everything that was happening. He wasn't even sure the reality of what happened had hit him, his family hadn't even got in touch to see if he was safe or if he was even alive. They didn't care, not even Maggie. He shook his head, hoping the thoughts swirling round in his mind would also shake out and leave him alone. He was still wearing the basketball shorts from earlier but was too warm for a shirt, instead he walked into the lounge with his chest exposed for Conner to see.
"Justin..." Conner looked at him, concerned, "You need to eat, your ribs are painfully visible."
Justin winced, he hated people pointing out his weight to him. He never felt like eating, he couldn't eat in front of people for one, which caused a lot of problems since he was around family or friends the majority of his time. He remembered when he went to get his chest tattoo and the tattooist pointed out that he was a, quote, "fragile" guy. It stuck with Justin and he from then on stayed covered up for any more tattoos he got. He stayed covered up all the time, except for when he was alone, it was his time to breathe. He didn't even think about the fact Conner was in the lounge, that Conner would see his small frame, but as soon as he saw Conner's eyes trailing up and down his body, he instantly regretted not covering himself up.
"I'm fine, Conner, really I am. Fast metabolism." Justin assured him and sat down on the couch, eyeing the food laid out on the large coffee table. He was ravenous, all he'd eaten was some peanut butter shit and a bite of a sandwich.
He picked up some greasy fries in his small hands and sat back, making himself comfortable amongst all the cushions and looking over to Conner who was watching him. Immediately Justin froze and stood up. He'd forgotten that he couldn't eat in front of people. He didn't realise Conner was staring so intently at him.
"I'm gonna finish this in my room I think." Justin grabbed a bag full of food and scuttled off to his room, shutting the door gently, earning a deep sigh from Conner.
He scrambled back into the bed, head in hands. The empty room around him began to feel smaller and smaller, as if the walls were caving in over his head. All his problems were coming back to him. His eyes filled with tears and he started crying quietly, his cheeks were now sodden and he looked at the food in the corner of the room disgusted, he couldn't stomach anything right now. He flopped back onto the pillows and continued to sob, the pillow case becoming damp and sticking to his soft cheek.
"I'm sorry Dad," He whimpered weakly, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."
He couldn't believe that he'd wiped out the past eighteen years of his life. All the family vacations, basketball on the beach, learning to drive, all his birthdays, all the fishing trips- all of it worthless. It might as well not have existed. He might as well not exist, what shitty quality of life was he going to have here? In his friend's spare bedroom, not interacting with anybody, not going to therapy, crying himself to sleep every night, eating in secret and never seeing his family ever again. Well done Justin, well done.
He looked at the clock, it was nearly 1am and he had tired himself out from wailing like an idiot into his pillow. He crawled out from under the blanket and climbed up onto the large window sill, crossing his legs and pressing his forehead up against the cold glass that looked out onto the busy street below. There was plenty of night life; drunk people stumbling around shouting and singing old 80's songs together, tourists taking in the measly night time sights of Ohio and some random teenagers spray painting the brick wall opposite the apartment complex. He wished he could be down there, living life, having fun, but instead he was stuck inside what felt like a prison. Yes he could walk out if he wanted to, yes he was free to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, but he was trapped inside his own mind. His mind wouldn't even let him step outside of his bedroom door. His mind wouldn't let him introduce himself to Conner's friend, Tristan.
About twenty minutes passed and Justin fell asleep slumped against the window. His small figure was pressed up to the glass, the moonlight pouring in onto his skin making him glow like some sort of alien form was inside of him. He slept peacefully until around 11am, when the condensation that had formed between the icy glass and his warmth woke him. A smug smile wiped across his face as he looked at the clock, he was proud of himself for making it through the night without having a panic attack or an existential crisis.
He scanned the room, he'd already worn the only clothes he'd packed and he couldn't really wear them again. He stepped out of bed and opened the door next to the en-suite. A full wardrobe of clothes. Thank god. He picked out a white t-shirt and some black jeans. The clothes were too big for his tiny frame, of course, the shirt practically swallowing him up whole and the jeans looking like some crazy, 60's flared instead of skinnies. It would do, he was probably home alone anyway with Justin manning the shop.
A deep grumble came from his stomach and he raised his eyebrows. Coming to think of it, he hadn't eaten the food last night after his little episode- he was starving. He padded down the corridor from his room and reached the kitchen, opening up the fridge and spotting some fresh orange juice. He picked up the carton and turned around, ready to sit down at the breakfast bar with some cereal or fruit maybe, but was met with something completely different. The black-haired boy from yesterday was stood there, looking wide-eyed at Justin.
Today he was wearing the same black jeans as yesterday, but he had an oversized black hoodie and black rain coat on today. His jeans were tucked into a pair of matte black docs, tied with luminous yellow laces. His hair was tamed, captured underneath a soft grey beanie.
"Hi! I'm Tristan!" He smiled and stepped towards Justin, his muscly arm outstretched ready to shake hands, but Justin's hand didn't meet his.
"Oh, uh. Hi. Conner didn't tell me you were here, I'll just go back to my room..." Justin said shakily, dodging eye contact and grabbing an orange from the counter top.
"No! Stay! We can chat, are you ok?" Tristan hurried after him, down the corridor.
"I'm fine." Justin said quietly and shut his bedroom door, slumping down against it.
Tristan stood outside, mildly confused and slightly offended. He fidgeted a bit on the spot, making his jacket rustle against the door frame.
Justin could sense Tristan was there, his heart beating scarily fast in his chest. He always got like this around new people, especially when he was caught off guard. Could Conner not have told him that Tristan would be here? Imagine if he walked out stark naked, singing some song about how much he missed his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, that wouldn't have looked great.
"J-Justin, can I come in?" Tristan said in a low voice through the door.
"No. Please, I'm... I'm tired, can you go away?" Justin muttered, feeling kind of bad for pushing Tristan away, but to be fair he hardly knew this guy and he was already asking to come into his bedroom and talk- not really Justin's thing.
Tristan frowned and walked back into the lounge, resuming the same position on the couch he was in before Justin woke up, messing with some band equipment. Justin didn't mean any harm, he just really wasn't good meeting new people, he had to plan for weeks before he knew what to say or how to address somebody properly.
Justin sat in his room for a few hours, scouring the web and watching random, distracting videos on youtube but his mind kept wandering to something else. Tristan. He got up and sat down at the piano Conner had wheeled in just for him to play. He started stroking the keys very softly, playing a sweet, gentle tune that didn't really have a pattern, it just sounded nice to Justin. He tried to distract himself with this, but he couldn't stop thinking about the boy. He was sat outside, probably listening to Justin intently. Justin's mind started trailing to Tristan's appearance. His eyes were a weak coffee brown, with green and golden flecks around the pupil. They were warm and inviting. He looked soft. His arms clearly toned and well muscled from working out, but not the kind of muscle that repulses you, the kind of muscle that gives tight hugs, the kind of muscled arms that could hold you, the kind of arms you'd feel safe in. He was taller than Justin, quite substantially and visibly older than Justin also, probably around 24 or 25- younger than Conner. He imagined Tristan's face when he told him to go away, the crinkles in his eyes probably disappeared and his smile would have fallen. A deep guilty feeling settled in his stomach as he heard the front door click open- Conner was home.
He quickly scuttled out of his room and hovered in the hallway, watching Tristan and Conner exchange, what looked like, concerned words.
"Hey-" Tristan caught sight of Justin timidly standing in shadows.
"I'm really sorry about earlier," Justin stepped forward and was met by Tristan's sympathetic eyes, "A lot going on inside my head right now, so, yeah I'm sorry."
Tristan rubbed Justin's back affectionately and Justin flinched from the touch. Nobody had touched him with good intentions in a long time.
"That's okay dude. When you're ready to talk we can hang out, I'm here tomorrow but no rush. See ya." He stuck a thumbs up at Justin and Conner as he bounced off down the stairs and out of Justin's sight.
"Well, you didn't have to be so rude." Conner looked at him sternly.
"I wasn't rude Conner, you didn't fucking tell me he'd be sat waiting in the lounge when I woke up?!" Justin exclaimed, his mouth twitching slightly with anger.
"He looks after my apartment whilst I do the store, sorts out drum stuff. He'll be here every day except weekends from now on, okay? There's your stupid warning." Conner rolled his eyes and starting shifting through all the mail piled up on the counter.
Justin sighed and walked back, yet again, to his room.
He went to the bathroom and took his clothes off, goosebumps forming over his body from the breeze of cold air that hit him. He started to run a deep, deep bath, full to the brim of the tub. He wanted to get in and melt away, sink in under the water and never come back up. He was an embarrassment, hiding from Tristan, who was a perfectly friendly guy and then shouting at Justin, the only person in the world on his side right now. He sank into the hot water, his head leaning against the rim of the tub, his entire body submerged apart from his face.
His mind once again drifted to Tristan, maybe he should make an effort, Tristan seemed like a really nice guy who understood Justin. He didn't seem pushy like Conner, he seemed understanding- to Justin at least. As well as that, he was pretty. Very pretty. Was now really the best time to be thinking about how cute some guy is? Stuck in your friends apartment with nowhere else to go, with no clothes or money. No it wasn't, but Justin continued to do so anyway.
"Very pretty," He said quietly under his breath, biting his bottom lip whilst smiling a little, sinking even deeper into the bath.