Desirable Lies

Time Heals

~Katy~

When I crawl into bed beside John that night, I feel boneless and relaxed. It never occurred to me that two days into my new living situation I'd still be a virgin, have an entire wardrobe full of new clothes and be at the receiving end of the best massage I've ever had in my life.

I slip under the sheets, thankful they're cool against my skin. Pleasuring him like that, feeling his muscles under my fingertips, inhaling his powerful scent, watching him come apart....I can't deny it's a turn on. He's so in control, so masculine, it's a lethal combination. One that even I take notice of.

John reaches over and with one hand, drags me closer, just like he did the night before, spooning his big, firm body around mine. I feel him release a sigh against my ear. "Night, beautiful," he murmurs, sounding half asleep.

I know it's totally strange and I shouldn't let my guard down so quickly or easily, but I trust him. I just do. Maybe it's the way he looks at me, or maybe it's because he hasn't taken anything that isn't his to take, but regardless, a little sense of ease has wormed its way into my head, allowing me to relax in his presence. Maybe it's because I know things could have turned out so much worse. God, part of me still can't believe I'd gone through with that auction. I knew it was crazy, but exchanging six months of my life to give Angela a shot at the life she deserves made it a no brainer. It'd be stupid not to do this. And honestly, I'd never been one of those girls who held onto her virginity out of principle. I just hadn't had a serious boyfriend with all the turmoil of my family life and I wasn't going to just give it to anyone. I guess it turned out for the best. Now that man would be John, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, he was freaking gorgeous, and I was helping my sister in the process.

I'm just about to fall asleep, feeling at peace with my decision, when a sudden thought jars me from my peaceful state. What if all this...the kindness, the no sex thing, maybe he's trying to lull me into a false sense of security, to get me to trust him so I submit to him completely. The mystery of his past is still bugging me too. There's Marta and Stella, both of whom I want to understand his relationship with.

And it's not like he's a saint. I've pleasured him twice at his command, dropping to my knees to suck him off. God, he's no prince charming. Get a grip, Katy. I will need to stay on my guard a bit more after all.

Realizing all of this while laying snuggly in his arms, I distance myself the tiniest bit, fluffing the pillow under my head to get more comfortable. I take a deep breath, feeling calmer and more in control almost immediately. I won't let myself get so sucked into his world I can't see straight. I may have sold my body as a sex slave, but my heart, my mind, my spirit are all still mine. I still want to be Katy when this is all said and done. If I'm to survive my six months with him, I need to remember I'm playing a role...living out a very expensive fantasy he's created, nothing more.

My body's natural physical reaction and my growing attraction to him causes my blood to boil. It's not something I can control, which both excites and confuses me. Perhaps it's my limited experience, but my body's sexual response to his nearness is unexpected and frustrating, especially because he seems in no rush to do anything about it. Sharing his bed, being the one to pleasure him makes me want to discover my own body's pleasure. But for now, I just pray for sleep to take me.

~John~

I shouldn't have forced Katy to her knees last night. For all the pleasure I derived, it's been overshadowed by guilt, which builds up with each passing hour. I feel like a fucking dick.

When she cowered away from my touch last night, it put everything into perspective. I don't do regrets or self loathing, so needless to say I'm distracted and edgy all day long. I bark orders to my assistant, I'm short with clients and skip several of my meetings. All due to my shitty mood. The strange thing is, I don't regret buying her. That fuckwad at the auction would have taken her home if I hadn't. And I don't even want to know the sick things that bastard had planned. At least there's solace in knowing I haven't ruined her.