I was so speechless. So confounded. So bamboozled with what I did. I shouldn’t have said those words to him. I don’t even know what to say right now.
KATHERINE: Uhm… I’m not ready to commit into liaisons, Al. I guess I only like you. But… I am willing to reach out for your heart. Though, I’m not ready to compel myself to someone. No, not now.
I wasn’t persuaded with what I just had said. There was perhaps something wrong…
ALISTAIR: That’s okay.
KATHERINE: Why did you ask anyway?
ALISTAIR: Just asking.
KATHERINE: Oh, okay.
I felt embarrassed for my heart was so keyed up. I thought he would like me. Though, it was just a question after all. So, because of that, I did not reply until…
ALISTAIR: Ouch. You wouldn’t even reply.
KATHERINE: What? Oh. I’m sorry.
ALISTAIR: Seriously, Katherine. I love you.
KATHERINE: Why me? Why not someone else?
ALISTAIR: You’re too kind and understanding. You know how to understand my feelings unlike her.
I stared with disbelief. I was so much confused.
KATHERINE: No. What about Bellatrix? What about her? How would she counter to this?
ALISTAIR: I’ll take care of it. But, it’s you whom I wanted.
KATHERINE: I can’t commit, Al.
ALISTAIR: It’s okay. I’ll wait for you.
KATHERINE: Nah. Good night.
ALISTAIR: Good night. Take care and God bless you always. I love you.
KATHERINE: Rebound.
I wasn’t able to fall asleep immediately that night. I was thinking. I shouldn’t have said those words to him.
What if he just took an advantage on me? What if he just played with me? Lord. I shouldn’t have said those to him in the first place. I should have kept it. Gee. I’m so stupid. So unintelligent and ludicrous. Whatever. I just hope I wouldn’t get hurt.
Then I dozed off.
***************
The next day, Alistair texted me.
ALISTAIR: Good morning, my dear. Take care always.
KATHERINE: Good morning too.
ALISTAIR: Could you call later?
With this question, I was confused.
KATHERINE: Why?
ALISTAIR: I wanted to hear your voice.
KATHERINE: Oh. How sure are you?
ALISTAIR: Yeah.
KATHERINE: I don’t have enough load. Why don’t you call instead?
ALISTAIR: I don’t have load.
KATHERINE: Well. I’ll find some way.
ALISTAIR: Thanks.
KATHERINE: But, I’m not sure, okay?
ALISTAIR: Okay.
That day, we texted each other a lot. It was a fun and beautiful day for me. I was quiet in my bedroom. I kept smiling every time I read his messages. It was fun. The subjects were fun until I realized that both of us wanted to have the same profession in the future.
KATHERINE: Wayked. That’s weird. I always wanted to become a lawyer.
I also learned that Alistair knew things ahead of me. I thought that he’s able to read my mind. Perhaps, our minds work the same way.
Isn’t he the perfect guy? We had many things in common.
That night, I called Alistair. My heart was beating so fast. So fast that it could ever lose my breath. When I heard his voice, it was like I was listening to a man. His voice was deep enough. Matured.
"I know you still love, Bellatrix. And I understand," I said. "Feelings don't die easily you know."
"95% belongs to you, Katherine."
"Alistair, I don't know what to do now that you gave her up. Bye and good night"
That was the end of our first phone conversation. I went to sleep and dreamt about that guy again.
