I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills
Poetry. A part of English. I hate English. Moreover, I hate poetry. For me, trying to infer meaning from a poem is like trying to fight a walrus and lion at the same time. They are both impossible. Something has to give, and in both cases it's me. I hate trying to be perfect, it's so exhausting. Everyone expects so much but I can give only little. I move onto doing homework for Math. Math makes more sense to me. It's logical and what you see is what you get. If only the same could apply for me.
I appear to have the perfect life. A group of friends who are alright. I get along with everyone and the teachers seem to like me. I do well in school, and am on track to get into the Ivys as well as Oxbridge. They all care about my superficiality. How I appear on the outside. I can't remember the last time someone asked me if I am okay.
The answer is no. No, I am not alright. I am not fine. I am not okay. I don't feel like everyone else. I don't enjoy life. I don't enjoy school. I have got a secret, which I cannot reveal under any circumstances. Everyone will treat me differently because of it. I'm already a partial laughing stock. Nevermind a full one.
I get up and wander around my room. It is a converted loft, adding to the image of a perfect life. Pasted in dark grey wallpaper with bright bursts of luminous yellow, it feels like my safe space. My furniture is a light space grey colour, with the main centrepiece being a low table in the middle of the room, surrounded by cushions. I like the floor, it makes me feel better. It's the one constant of my life.
My phone beeps. It's Lucienne. She asks me if I want to go and grab coffee. I reply yes and we're to meet in the usual place. It's just down the road, on 2nd Avenue. It's close to the UN. I run down the seemingly endless flights of stairs to the ground. As I walk out into the street, the air and noise hits me like a truck. The life is overwhelming. It's so different.
I reach the diner. The owner waves to me and I nod back. I take the usual booth and the waitress pours me a cup of coffee. Looking at the menu, nothing has changed in all the years I have been coming. The dishes are the same, the decor is the same. It's nice and traditional. Just as I take a sip of my drink, Lucienne comes crashing in the diner.
"Ciao! Come stai?" she directs at the owner. She does this every time she enters, it's kind of her signature catchphrase.
"Buono." He replies, with a slight smile on his face. He continues to mumble something in Italian, but I can't understand that much. Whatever he said, it must have been funny as Lucienne starts laughing. She collapses into the booth, putting her everglowing phone on the table and digging something out of her bag.
"This is for you." She presents me with an envelope, with Amadeus in neat writing on the front. Her mother's. No one calls me Amadeus. I hate it. It sounds pretentious. I like Will. William is my middle name. It seems more me. I take and open the envelope. Inside is a key with a note. It is for Lucienne's house. I practically live there anyway. This just confirms it. I ask her how her weekend has been. She starts telling me about her family and sister and boyfriend. Now Lucienne has a perfect life. I take another drink and look out of the window.
He wandered by. He saw me. I saw him. He smiled. I smiled back. He carried on walking.
He looked radiant. Everything about him was radiant. His hair was jet black and pulled back to form a quiff. He was wearing a leather jacket, grey t-shirt and black jeans and shoes. I am the total opposite of him. I have floppy blond hair and wear smart shirts and trousers all the time. The least formal I get is when I wear a sweater. I want to go after him, to find out his name and where he's from.
"Will, Will. Are you even listening? What did I just say?"
I apologise and I let her carry on talking. She talked until we left. I am still unsure of what she was talking about but I let her carry on. We say goodbye and I make my way home. The city seems different now. It seems hopeful.
--------------------
I hope that you like this and please comment to help me improve and for feedback :)
