Loved & Loyal | 1

xviii

My heart stopped when I saw the pregnancy tests lying scattered about on my bed. She thinks she might be pregnant?!

I slowly turned to face her. My jaw was dropped to the floor and my eyes were probably as big as dinner plates. I can't believe she wouldn't tell me something like this! I thought I was her best friend. I thought we told each other everything. What is happening with us? Keeping secrets, not talking like we used to, and now she might be pregnant and I'm almost as jealous as I am angry.

Why wouldn't she tell me something like this? Am I not good enough? Have I not proved to her that she can tell me anything? I would tell her if I thought I might have gotten a girl pregnant. Does she not trust me anymore? What have I done to lose her trust?

"Abby... Why wouldn't you tell me something like this?" My voice started out as hurt but I could hear it get angrier. All of a sudden, I was livid.

"Ben, you have to listen. You can't -" But I never found out what I can't do because I was too angry.

"What can't I do? I can't know something like this because you don't trust me? I can't handle this kind of news because I'm too overprotective? I thought we told each other everything, Abbigail. I love you and you can't even trust me with information like this? What did you think I would do? Disown you?! Tell your parents?!"

I was breathing hard. My face was probably a bright red and my eyes were shining with tears. I don't know why I was going to cry. Maybe I was that angry or frustrated. Maybe I was devastated that her first child wouldn't be mine like I had dreamed of so often these days.

Abby was standing there, stunned at my outburst.

"WELL SAY SOMETHING!" I screamed. My parents weren't in the house. They had left during our movie. They went out for supper. So we didn't have to worry about them hearing us.

Abby was in tears now. Her shoulders were shaking and her face was streamed with tears. I couldn't tell what kind of tears they were, though. They could have been sad tears because she had realized the force of the situation. They could be angry tears because she could be mad at me and she had every right to be. Then, the thought hit me. They could be frightened tears. She could be scared of me. Maybe I was scaring her, making her think that I was this angry at her for making a bad decision instead of being angry at myself because I had let her slip away from me. Or maybe she was scared because she could be FUCKING PREGNANT.

"God, I'm such a dumbass." My anger had disappeared when I saw her tears. I had most likely caused those and that thought gutted me. I hated to see her cry, not to mention be the cause of it.

I practically sprinted across my bedroom to her, wrapping her in my arms and squeezing her tight like I had before during the movie. Like it was the last time. I kissed her on the top of the head and on her forehead. Then gripped her face in my hands and used my thumbs to wipe away her tears, kissing her cheeks and temples.

"Shh, Abs. It's okay, I won't yell. Just stop crying, please. It guts me to know that I caused those tears. Baby, please stop. It's okay. I'm not angry. Sweetheart..." I kept kissing her almost everywhere but her lips, wiping away every tear with my thumbs. I kept repeating that I wasn't angry and that I hated to be the reason she cried in her ear. I pulled her into my chest and kissed her head. Holding her to me, probably crushing her against my chest.

"Come on, baby girl. It's okay, now. I'm not going to yell anymore. I'm so, so sorry, baby."

I pulled her away from me so I could look in her eyes and I noticed that the tears she was crying had slowed. The look in her eyes was full of hurt and disbelief and love. It nearly made me fall on my ass.