Secret Rulebook of Cheating

Rule #28: No Selfies

I was fighting to chase all the nagging thoughts away as I was sitting with my back against Jason. He had his arms wrapped around me from behind, holding the second blanket around both of us. We were both silent for a while after what we had indulged in half an hour ago. It wasn't the 'what' that worried me, it was the 'how'. Jason might have been the one to start it but I had been the one to let him. It wasn't supposed to be like that. What was supposed to be wild and... and all-consuming, swallowing the last ounce of desire, had turned out mild and... It was like... we weren't simply giving in to lust. It was more like we were... like we were making... No. Hell, no!

'Do you think I'm heartless?' Jason suddenly uttered and I was totally baffled by the question.

'What?'

'I was thinking about what Sylvia said at the sushi place.' His voice sounded close to my ear. 'That I was heartless when it came to girls. So I wonder if you agree with her.'

I felt my insides tighten a little. 'Why are you asking me this?'

'I just...' He went silent for a moment. It seemed like he was about to say something important but didn't know how exactly to put it. I waited for him to continue, the disquiet in my chest growing. 'I know I probably seem like I am this ruthless a-hole but you know it's not like I have this agenda of sleeping with different girls every night or be with multiple girls at the same time... not in the threesome kind of way... not that I would mind that... I just... The way I see it, life presents you with these opportunities and what if you miss out on something really great if you don't take them because of some silly society rules or other ridiculous reasons...'

'What are you really trying to say, Jason?' I interrupted.

'I don't know,' he trailed off but I could tell he wasn't finished. He sounded calm as he spoke the next words. 'I guess what I'm trying to say is... what if I'm holding that 'something really great' in my arms right now?'

Why? Why, Nicole, you ask the question when you know you won't like the answer?

I had seen the signs but chose to ignore them. I mean why complicate a silly physical attraction? I didn't want to think about those moments when Jason dropped the jerk façade. Like when he told me why he had come on this trip or when he was so worried about how I'd react to Rob talking about all those other girls, or how his eyes were so fragile when he knew I was mad at him for nearly telling the others about our... thing. My brain had registered all these little displays of emotion on his behalf but had decided to bury them. Because it was easier if he just didn't share what I knew had begun to stir in my chest.

I had started to realize that a little while ago. I mean, I knew that my constant wish to stay in close proximity to him all night wasn't just due to his killer abs. And that warmth that my chest was bathing in now, hearing his words, wasn't simply satisfaction. Or the fact that his jerky remarks weren't so annoying any more wasn't because they had become less jerky.

Of course, I knew he wasn't all about his cocky stance and overconfident attitude. Sylvia was right. There was more to him than he showed and I'd seen parts of that. But there was one thing that was both on and under the surface. Jason wasn't a one-girl type of guy. And three days of incredible sex weren't going to change that. I wasn't that naïve.

Yes, I knew this wasn't just a silly physical attraction anymore but there was only one way to get out of it in one peace. Don't let it get deeper in the heart than it already is!

'I think we should go back,' I uttered as his embrace suddenly felt tight. I started to stand up.

'Wait!' he tightened his arms around me for real this time but only to keep me in my place. 'Look,' he pointed a finger at the horizon.

There was a little patch of orange, rounded at the top that had suddenly appeared on the other side of the ocean. It was slowly growing, moving up, shaping up in a huge ball of flames, spreading all shades of red light in the sky.

Great. A sunrise. Like we needed romance right now.

Just go with it, a little voice was telling me, one last little moment. I guess I could afford one last little moment with Jason.

His arms closed around me even further and I relaxed against him nuzzling a little at the hollow between his neck and shoulder. I closed my eyes for a second and breathed in the moment.

One last moment.

'It's beautiful,' I uttered when I lifted my eyelids.

'It is,' he agreed but his voice was so close to my ear I actually wondered if he was looking at the sun at all.

One last...

'Let's take a pic!' I suddenly blurted out taking by surprise both myself and him. I had no idea why I had suggested it but it just felt right. I jumped out of his heating hug, sending the blanket on top of the other one as he released both me and it. I plunged in my bag and pulled my phone out. 'Come here,' I beckoned with my hand when I had turned around so that the sunrise was behind me. 'Turn.' Jason followed the instruction. 'Ready?'

And snap!

'Wait!' Jason shouted the second I pressed the button.

'Too late.' I flipped my phone to check the result.

'I was going to suggest we make funny faces,' he added.

I couldn't help the chuckle as the image filled the display. 'You did that anyway.'

There we were – I, all smiley and ready, and oh, my hair was a total mess, and Jason – looking my way, with a little baffled expression, his lips puckered up, my guess – just about to utter the 'w' in 'wait'. He was still gorgeous. And of course, there was no trace of the sun.

'We should take that again!' Jason protested at the same moment as I said, 'It's perfect!'

'No, we're not taking it again. We captured a moment. It stays like that.' I was unshakable. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it and sighed. Yes!

One last moment to last.