The truth about love

Grayson

   The sunrise is orange and pink and purple and yellow. It looks like my 3 year old cousins finger painting, but it's beautiful. I wake up early every morning to see it. I have my camera and I'm sitting on the entrance sign to my neighborhood. The pictures I'm taking all turn out bad due to the fact that the camera I'm using is the same one I got for my 8th birthday, but I still use it for practice. I hope to get a better camera soon, I'm always taking pictures. It calms me down more than anything. The sun is almost all the way risen now, so I take one last picture and start to head back home. I think the sunrise is so peaceful, it helps me to always start my day in a good mood. 

   When I get home the first thing I do is make tea. It's currently 5:31 am and I don't have to leave the house till 8:10 am. It only takes me about 20 minutes to get ready so I usually spend my mornings watching tv or on my phone. Or sometimes I'll go for a walk, with my camera of course. But I didn't get much sleep last night (I was reading) so I was too tired to go for a walk. When my tea was done I turned on the play station, went to netflix, and after a few minutes of trying to decide between watching The Powerpuff Girls or Freaks and Geeks put on freaks and geeks. At about 7 I started to get hungry, I looked in the fridge and pulled out strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. I also got out lactose free yogurt and I mixed the berries into the yogurt container. Everything in our house was dairy free, lactose free, and meat free. I'm vegan, and since I decided to stop eating animal products my mom did too. She says at first she was just doing it to support me but now she really enjoys it, but I know she really hates it and only does it to save the money it would take to buy two kinds of everything. I'm an only child and my father left when I was little, my mom leaves for work at 5 and doesn't come home till around 8 (she gets off work at 6 but she goes out with friends every day.) She comes home drunk most of the time and goes straight to sleep. I can't remember the last time I had an actual conversation with my mom, which is fine. I really don't mind, I don't really like talking to people.

   I wore a plain gray shirt, an over-sized red flannel, ripped cropped jeans, and black doc martians to school. My makeup was just red lipstick and thin black winged eyeliner. I never wore concealer or foundation; I didn't need it. The only time I ever got pimples was when I was about to get my period. They were too small to notice and I never had more than one on my face at a time. I walked to and from school every day. I didn't mind walking, plus it was my only option. I had no one to drive me and too much anxiety to ride the bus. When I got to school I went straight to my first period. It was geography, ew. I pretty much tuned out everything in my first two classes, but then I got to English. English was my favorite class because I loved the subject, but also because I sat next to the cutest guy ever. His name is Grayson. Grayson's hair is dyed blue right now, but he changes it every few weeks. His eyes are brown with some green in them. They're the kind of eyes that you could get lost looking at. His face is pale but not too pale, he looks like someone you would see in a twilight movie. Honestly, like his jawline could cut my birthday cake. And his smile, oh my god his smile. When he smiles the butterflies in my stomach, that I already have from the fact that I'm looking at him, turn into pigeons. When he smiles everyone with in a 10 mile radios gets chills. When he smiles, I can't help but smile. Grayson isn't popular, he only has one or two people who he really hangs out with, but he's still way out of my league. Grayson's older brother sells me my alcohol, so I've talked to Grayson a few times. He's aware of who I am..so that's a start. He fell asleep within two minutes of the class starting, so I didn't get a chance to talk to him.

   The rest of the day was a blur. I went into the library and read at lunch, then I slept through the rest of my classes. When I got home I decided to text Grayson's brother and ask him if he could pick me up some whiskey. I wasn't anywhere near out of alcohol, but sometimes he had Grayson drop off the liquor, I was hoping this would be one of those times. Luke (Grayson's brother) responded pretty quick.

Luke: um yea, I actually just got some this morning since it's been a while since I've gotten you any and I knew you'd be running out soon. But um, I'm kinda busy rn so is it okay if Gray brings it over and you give him the money?

score.

me: Of course, whatever works. If he doesn't want to bring it over I could just come pick it up..I wouldn't wanna cause anyone any inconvenience

Luke: honestly Viola, you're too nice. He can do it, he needs to leave the house anyways

me:okay haha, thank you sm

Luke: np

Luke: he's leaving now

   I quickly went to the nearest mirror to fix my makeup. Luke and Grayson lived pretty close, and I was so nervous. Within about 10 minutes I heard a knock at the door and 1,000,000 butterflies flew into my stomach. 

"Hey Vi!" he smiled ear to ear, almost as if he was happy to see me.

Vi. He always called me that and it made me feel so special. 

"hey Grayson" I smiled back without even trying

"why don't you ever call me Gray?" he asked

"why don't you ever call me Viola?" I replied in an almost sarcastic tone

"because you're Vi. Can I come in?" 

  I didn't reply I just gestured towards the doorway. He walked in, swinging the bag of liquor, and I followed. He looked at the bag and handed it to me, he looked very concerned. I handed him the money, and faintly said thank you. He forced a smile in response. I could tell he was holding something back

"Let me guess, you're wondering if you should ask why I do this or not?"

He let out an embarrassed chuckle (which was adorable) and nodded. I sighed and thought carefully about what I would say before I answered.

"I'm not completely sure, but if I didn't drink and was asked why my answer would be the same. .I started when I was young. I wasn't sure what it was but my mother was always chugging it down so I thought it was worth trying. By the time I was 13 I was using it as a distraction. I was depressed and I could't really find anything to be happy about, so I got drunk as a distraction. And now, now I think I just crave the burn of whiskey in my throat. I guess I still use it as a distraction, but I also have other things for that."

He didn't respond for a second, I doubt he knew how to. I somewhat felt as if I had just ruined any chance I could've had with him, but I didn't really have a chance in the first place. After about 30 seconds a smile crept upon his face

"your moms not home, is she?"

"no, she's spending the night at a "friends"" I rolled my eyes

"do you think she'd mind, or notice, if you went out for a bit?"

"no but-"

He cut me off by grabbing my hand, and pulling me outside to his car.