Learning to be Beautiful

Learning to be Beautiful ~2~

I tossed and turned, trying feverishly to fall asleep. I had lain awake in my old room since midnight, and had yet to fall into slumber. Finally, I gave up and, seeing no other alternative, turned on my bedside lamp and pulled out Beastly by Alex Flinn from the nightstand.

I had barely started the first sentence when my eyes slid shut.

"Go away!" I shouted, curling up into a ball and shutting my eyes tightly. The mulch under the big yellow slide poked at me, making me uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I hid my face in my hands, thinking that, perhaps, if I couldn't see them, they wouldn't be able to see me.

"You can't tell us what to do, Ugly. You're stuck with us. Forever." Mean laughter echoed all around me as the taunts and jeers kept on coming. Only a few children were actually bullying me, but out of fear, the others did nothing to stop it.

"What kind of face is that? A pig's?" One girl guffawed, pointing at me and scrunching up her perfect nose. "No, wait, even a pig would be ashamed to have a face like that." Her mean jab brought tears pricking at my eyes, and another round of laughter from the kids surrounding us.

"Stop it..." I whimpered, trying my best to stay brave and remember what my mother had told me. "I'm not ugly."

"You wish you weren't ugly, cheese-face," the little girl spat, taking a handful of my hair in her hands and tugging it. "You'll never be pretty. You'll always be ugly." She hissed, giving my hair another rough yank.

"Yeah, cheese-face, you'll always be ugly." A few surrounding children echoed.

Tears began to slide down my face, but, instead of taking pity on me, it only egged the girl on more. "Ugh. A crying pig, how disgusting." She let go of my hair and shoved me so that I fell on my side in the dark red mulch. I made no move to get up, but remained there, crying silently until she flounced off towards the swing set, her perfect, curly brown hair bouncing along her shoulders.

"I'm not ugly..." I whispered quietly to myself between hiccups, "I'm not ugly..."

"You'll always be ugly... You'll never be pretty..." Their rude voices swirled around and around in my head, until I couldn't take it any longer. I squeezed my eyes shut tight and screamed, trying desperately to drown out the laughter.

I woke, as I always did, with my heart pounding erratically in my chest. My breathing was shallow, and my mouth dry. Briefly, I wondered if I had actually screamed aloud and if my mother had heard it from her room across the hall.

My mind was put to rest, though, when I heard a very loud snore. Yep, she was still asleep.

I debated for a moment whether or not I should try to fall asleep again, but the prospect of having to face those atrocious memories again made my stomach turn. Instead of drifting back to sleep, I threw the covers off of myself, slipped my feet into my fluffy, blue slippers and headed towards the kitchen for a midnight snack.

Flicking the light switch on, I moved towards the refrigerator and got out the milk then moved to the pantry and cupboards for cereal and a bowl. Unfortunately, the only kind of cereal my mom had on hand was the weird, goat-feed resembling, fiber-rich kind. I groaned and put everything but the milk back, and instead got a glass and some chocolate syrup. If I couldn't have cereal I would settle for a glass of chocolate milk.