Holy shit.
What am I doing?
My wrists feel so weak, so incapable of what they once were
I am no longer the warrior I thought I was?
(Was I ever one at all?)
They don't seem to like me at all.
Why should I care?! I am not here to please.
But still,
the curl of their lips feels like slap to the cheek.
I tell myself that I know who I am
but do I really?
I thought I was an artist, but I feel like a fraud
Thought I could be an academic, but I fear I am not tethered down enough.
The world, I am told, is so full of things
like oceans deeper than my own doubt.
(Perhaps I belong at the bottom of them)
I want to be everything-
I want to be beautiful, vibrant, ethereal, intelligent, specialized, capable, driving, loving, creative, unstoppable, and strong-
I want to be everything.
But I fear I will be nothing at all.
