February 18, 1822
Annabella and Mr. Huntingdon are now married. The wedding was in December and my feelings have been too distraught to write about it until now. I feel as if I have been spared years of misery for having not accepted his proposal. I am indebted to my dear aunt and Milicent for having opened my eyes before it was too late.
Although I am not too fond of Annabella, her and Mr. Huntingdon’s temperaments are much more suited to one another then mine to his. They have been united into one flesh now, all I can do is to pray earnestly for their future. Even though I dislike being around her, if she requires my assistance in any way I will most dutifully come to her aid.
I am not envious of her at all, yet she continues to hold her head high especially when she knows I am in her presence. She wastes her energy doing so is all I will have to say of the matter.
What would have my life been like if I had said ‘yes’ to him? In the beginning I am sure it would have been full of happy days. He would have been fond of me, but I fear his love for drink and parties would have been greater than his love for me. I would have been too confining for him. In no time he would have sought out worldly pleasures out of desperation.
Would I have loved him despite his disinterest in me? Yes, I would have, if for nothing else but out of duty. Oh, what a wretched life I have nearly escaped!
If for some reason I had no choice but to leave him where would I have gone to? I could not have returned to my uncle and aunt, for that would have been far too shameful. My brother would help me I am sure, but I would not wish to stay with him for I would not have wanted to be too much of a burden. Perhaps I would have ended up being a mysterious tenant someplace distant, like at Wildfell Hall?
But I must dwell too much on these sort of thoughts, for what will be will be. All I can do is trust in God’s mercy and grace to guide me.
note: This is the sixth part of a short story fan fic. The prompt was to have the main character, Helen, to imagine what her life would have been like if the story had stuck to the original.
