My Daily Journal

April 11, 2016

Hey guys long time no write and a lot has happened since the last time I wrote but since I really don't have anything specific details I might as well write a little story. 

So this story is basically about the day I tried to come out to my parents. So I had just come back from vacation with my uncle and aunt with their kids and my parents had been going through my phone to see the pictures I took, I had forgotten I had carved my ex boyfriends initials and mine in to a tree on the grand canyon and I had taken a picture of it. I didn't put it into my phones private folder so my parents asked what A.R+J.R meant so I was about to lie and say it was for me and my "girlfriend" but I decided maybe they should know that I've chosen gay to identify my sexuality so in that moment I said "mom, dad you're going to find out eventually so I'm Just going to tell you...I'm gay". they couldn't have made me feel worse by the way they reacted it was basically exactly how you don't want your parents reacting if you were to come out. My mom began to cry and not the good cry I mean like tears of shame she made me feel like actual shit because she just tried to convince me I'm not and I've had experiences where kids made fun of me and called me fag and one time a kid tried to grab my *cough* my dad usually would stick up for me when peoples to do that. When he heard I'm gay come out my mouth he told me he was disappointed in me, in this moment I wanted to yell at them but i figured they needed time to take in the information and accept it. To this day my parents are such assholes my dad goes out of his way to gag at scenes where two guys kiss and my mom always talks to me like I'm not human like Juan how would YOU and your PARTNER have a kid? or she would keep asking me about my sexuality which pisses me which i dont wanna answer because I Don't feel like I should lie to her just she could be happy but also i don't wanna make her upset. Having them react the way they do makes me feel they dont want me as a kid and for a while after the day I fell in to like a very depressed state where I would hurt and bruise my self because cuts and stuff like that seemed too hard to hide from my parents and I even starved myself. My friends convinced me to stop because it wasn't worth it just because my parents seemed to not accept me. So I know figure that I should just wait till I'm 18 and then I could move out and then i could do what ever I want without having to worry about what my parents think of me. 

Thats all for know I don't know when Imma post again so see you then 

any questions you have and things to say just leave a comment