Letters and Liaisons

Left Behind

Catherine had stood at that pier for a long while past the time that she could still see Mary's boat. It hadn't felt real. Greer was strolling by the pier on her way back to her place of establishment, when she spotted Catherine.

"How long has she been there?" Greer asked the guard that stood at the carriage, patiently waiting for her.

"She hasn't moved since the boat left." he said. Greer nodded and slowly made her way towards Catherine. She wasn't sure what to say. She had never really held a conversation with Catherine before.

"Catherine?" she said quietly from behind her. Catherine turned her head slightly toward her voice but didn't look at her.

"She's really gone." she said. Greer couldn't tell if that had been a statement or a question. It was so strange to see her this way.

"I...know you...miss her. But you have to go home." Greer heard herself say it, but it sounded so odd. Catherine would miss Mary, she could see that clearly. What a foreign concept.

"I keep losing people..." she said. Greer felt bad for her all of the sudden. She stepped a bit closer and gently put a hand on her shoulder.

"Charles needs you." she said. That seemed to jolt her out of her trance. She turned and looked at Greer and nodded a bit. She looked out at the water one last time and then started walking back toward the carriage. Halfway there she stopped and turned back to look at Greer.

"Are you coming?" she said.

"You...want me to come with you?" she questioned.

"Mary returned to you your room in the castle, did she not?" Catherine said flatly. Again she was unsure if that was a question or not.

"But you're the regent now..." she started, but then stopped when seeing Catherine's reaction. "Thank you." she finished simply.

"I'm not doing it for you..." she answered and then turned sharply and entered the carriage. Greer knew what she meant and she joined her in the carriage.

When Catherine arrived back at the castle, she went straight to her room. She opened the door and threw her cloak onto a nearby chair. Then she turned her head to see a folded piece of paper on her pillow. She walked over and picked up to see it held Mary's seal. She looked at it curiously and sat down on the bed to open it.

Dear Catherine,

I have tried and failed so many times to tell you goodbye. You've been very diligent on avoiding the subject, so I'm writing you this in case you prove to be too stubborn to allow me the chance to say what I want to.

You've been my enemy, my mother-in-law, my friend, my ally, my competitor and my teacher. You have helped me, hurt me, betrayed me and healed me. You have been so much of my world and I never even realized it. Through it all, you never wavered in being the person who grounded me and kept me moving. Whether it be a lesson you taught through love or through hate, you will always be with me in every decision I make. I will always hear your voice in my head reminding me of those lessons. I have called you by all those things that I've said, but never by the one thing that you truly were to me...mother. It's the only thing a person can be called who can go through what we did together and still come out on the other end not hating. Someone who protected me, even when I didn't deserve to be protected. Someone who was my guidepost, even when we were at our worst. I pray that this will not be the last I see of you, but I know in my heart that today may be the final time I lay eyes on you. I hope this letter isn't the only goodbye I am allowed, but if it is, I want to you to know that I love you. I didn't realize that until today. God be with you.

MarieR

PS: Please try not to poison anyone .

Catherine's eyes were dripping with tears now, with the smallest of smiles at the end. She would in fact try not to...for Mary. She wiped her eyes and looked around the room. She had never felt so alone.

After sitting in silence for a little while, Catherine found herself wandering the castle, only to look up and see she'd wound up in the old part of the castle. She knew how she ended up there. She opened a door and went inside. It was the room where Francis had used to make his swords. They were still there. She ran her fingers over one that was sitting on the table, then she picked up and examined a few of his tools. He did good work. They were beautiful. Catherine had always admired art, and truthfully these were art. A wave of pride, followed by one of sadness washed over her. She looked over at a trunk that sat on the floor and wondered if there were anymore hidden away in there. She opened it slowly. Her eyes were met with a bunch of clutter. She sifted through it a bit and then something caught her eye. She pulled it out only to discover that it was a child's doll. It was Mary's. She'd almost forgotten this room used to be hers when she was little. A tear rolled down her cheek. She sifted through the box some more and found more of her things and Francis's as well. Toys and other odds and ends. She hugged the doll to her chest as she realized there was another sword in the box afterall. A wooden toy sword. She put her hand over it and she could no longer keep her emotions in. The tears came rolling out like they never had before.

My Dearest Mary,

You haven't even been gone a whole day and I already miss you. It's been like losing Francis all over again. While you were here, it was almost like he still was too. He loved you so much, it was as if I could still feel his presence with yours. Now, It just feels empty here. I know I have to keep going for Charles and the others, but I feel like I'm sifting through mud.

I read your letter and I'm sorry I made it so hard for you to say goodbye, it was only because I couldn't accept the truth of your leaving. Reading it made me sad, but also so happy that you didn't leave here believing that I hated you. After everything that happened, I always wondered if you really knew that I never wanted to hurt you. I feel that we waisted so much time at each others throats. If only I hadn't sent you away when you were young, maybe things would have been different. I regret that more than anything. I hope you have arrived in Scotland safely. I haven't poisoned anyone yet I promise.

With Love, Catherine