Heard - "Spinoff" To The Story "Unnoticed" (Tobias' Point Of View).

Chapter 1

   Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again. And then it all comes back. Every word, every hurt, every moment. My past defines me and this is who I am. I am unseen. Unheard. Unwanted. That is what I am, if I even I am anything. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself, and nothing could drop me out. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light. Unable to see the dawn. To feel. To hope. To dream.
     It always feels like night, darkness and nightmares, and that the lightness never comes.
I know Im helpless, desperate. But what happens when the ones you love the most threaten your very existence?
    My story, and the life Im living is not my fault. Its not because of me.
I am lovable, I am worthy of care. And that glimmer of light, it makes all the difference. The glimmers of light, give hope; that someday, my summer will come. But till that day comes, I am forced to go through this blizzard.
    I wonder of how my life would be different if I wasn't born in the wrong family, if I even have a real one. I wonder how I'd be treated. Of how I'd be accepted, because in the life Im living now; I am not.
     The worst thing is that, I have to pretend Im okay, and happy. I must keep my play going. The play of the seventeen-year-old guy that is rich, has perfect grades, is captain of the soccer team, and has everything in his life planned out. But the play, is just a play. An act. An illusion. I wish it wasn't though. I wish I did have a perfect life. No worries. No pressure. But life isn't a gift giving stand; so I just have to deal with the fact that my life sucks, and it will scar me forever.
For a few minutes, my father will come back from work. We'll be having the Prior family as guests for dinner. As always; I'm not allowed to enjoy my cooking with them – on the dinning table while they all eat together and have different conversations. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be so desperate to have dinner with them every time. In fact; I wouldn't even care. But she is the reason I do most things these days.
Since the Prior family is coming over tonight, I don't think my father will have time to beat me up, since he I'm probably sleeping, or he immediately starts drinking and passes out before he'll have time to wake me up so he can whip my back until I can't breathe. Though knowing the bastard he is, I bet he'll wake me up and hit me repeatedly until I go unconscious. It wouldn't be the first or last time.
I finish setting the table, and go upstairs, wasting no more time. He could come in any minute now. I would rather have no communication with him.
People always ask me how I get perfect grades, and it isn't such a hard question to answer truthfully. "I study all the time. Gotta get into college!" I always answer enthusiastically, saying it as a joke. Don't get me wrong: it is true, but it's more different than they think. Of course I want to get into a good college, and have a successful future, but having the father I have; Im not allowed to do anything besides studying and soccer practice. For example: Wouldn't I want to go to parties? Be able to go at a friend's house after school for fun? Have fun? And the answer is always no.
The front door is heard being open, and then slammed closed. The guests will be coming very soon, so there is no time for me to be punished for being born.
I really wish I could have dinner with them, just this once. I've never been this desperate to see her than tonight. Her beautiful smile, innocent eyes, and the face of an angel. I would give anything to get to know her better, be closer with her, and maybe ask her out.
That's why I actually enjoy going to school. I see her in classes, walking around the halls with her friend. I've payed attention, and noticed everything since middle school. She never bothered to notice me though. I've never seen her once look ay me, or pay attention like I have. I bet she doesn't realize it yet. It's been a few years that I've liked her, but we haven't spoke since kindergarten. Actually no. I asked her for a pen once in fifth grade, even though I had three other pens in my backpack. I just wanted to get to hear her voice, and get her to see me straight in the eyes. And she did. She smiled and nodded her head, unzipping her pencil case and picking out a pink sparkly pen, "Hope you don't mind it's pink." She chuckled and handed it to me. I laughed a bit and shook my head.
    "I won't mind." That's the best I ever did with flirting. I deserve an award for those flirt skills. I don't have the confidence to actually go and talk to her. There are so many ways that the conversations could go wrong. She could end up thinking Im cool, or totally hating me.
      I haven't told anyone about her yet, though I've noticed Zeke paying attention, as I pay attention at Tris. I have a feeling he knows whats going on, though he hasn't mentioned it yet, and Im glad he doesn't.
      She's been the one keeping the smile on my face. Yet she has no idea what impact she has on my life. But how can you look at her, her shy smile, pure eyes, silk blond hair, and not grin like an insane person. She is beautiful in every way.
     I've though of suicide multiple times, but I always postponed the date of doing it, so I can see her one more time. That one more time led to another, and another. If she has so much power over me, I should at least try to be friends. I don't care if I am friend zoned. Being able to actually talk to her freely, is all I want. I'll die a happy man if I know I that she actually likes my company.

Authors note: Please leave feedback and tell me what you think so far 🙏