Open Letters To Those I Love(d).

To The Boy Who cared.

Dear you,

I haven't heard from you in a while, and when we did last talk, it obviously wasn't the same...

Had the separation been too cruel?

No..It wasn't that, it wasn't the fact our school ripped us apart. That only played a small role...

And well, I know you won't //ever// read this, because well,

1.) You don't know about Wattpad.

2.) You don't really read.

3.) I've already lost you.

4.) You wouldn't care anymore.

I never told you I was sorry, I never got the chance to tell you that //I'm// the bitch here, and that I'm the only person to blame.

I know you probably still don't hurt, because I let you go. You may have suffered the first day, maybe week, but then you picked yourself back up again and started fresh. Your honestly way better off then me.

I made the mistake of letting you, made the mistake of taking you for granted.

Whenever people asked, "What the hell, why are you dating him? He's a freak!"

I made the comment of, "Because I'd feel bad if I said no.."

No, that's not what I ever meant I'm sorry if you ever heard that because it wasn't true. I didn't see it then, but looking back now I see that this entire time when I thought it was something between us that was wrong, it was really just me.

It had always been me.

I feel like I used you, and I never meant to. At the time I was heartbroken because of that 'you know who' and I didn't have the strength to pull myself back up.

That's when I fell into dark times...

I guess I'd compare it to an artist, but instead of paintbrushes I had those blades that made up those cheap pencil sharpener's you'd find at the dollar tree for //literally// 50 cents.

And instead of a canvas full of color, I had lines that only dripped red.

Of course, I couldn't blame the way you reacted.

I told you it was okay, and looking back on it, it really was.

It's the fact you were there for me, helping me bit by bit to bring myself back together again. You were just trying to be the puzzle glue to a 1000 piece puzzle that unfortunately was missing pieces.

But my problems didn't stop you, they only made you try harder.

Tell you the truth, its almost been a year since I broke up with you in the most asshole way,

Over text.

I'm sorry for that as well, I never meant to do it. I just wanted you to be free once you stepped foot into another school without me.

I miss your dorkish smile every time I saw you, and the way your glasses slid down the bridge of your nose just so you could make that 'one' face at me.

I miss your terrible jokes, and sound of your voice as you laughed.

I miss how you used to send me those Facebook recordings of you singing to whatever song on the radio without a care, and those silly selfies you always sent me on spam.

I know what we had wasn't much, I admit, I was a pretty awkward thumb. I never dressed right, always over thought everything, and honestly, just wasn't mature.

It must have been hell every single time I messaged you about my ex, about what he did and what he was saying.

You called us "Bro and sis" and it didn't hit me until now that you really did like me before you finally asked the question.

I'm sorry I put you through hell, but it's hitting me back just like a boomerang.

Social Media tells me it's your birthday, and I'm afraid to even message you because I feel like you hate me. I promised to be your friend, even after I ended it, and you too me too and I so hoped that was going to be true...

But I guess that in the end it's my burden that I'll carry, so thank you for treating me like a princess the month I had officially with you. Thank you for the 2 years the I overall had with you, you did so much better then I'd ever had done

So birthday boy, reach for the stars like you plan to. Travel to space one day and see the stars up close then from a far because I know you'll keep trying even if it's the last thing you do.

Happy birthday.

Sincerely,

Me.