My Sister's Boyfriend {AU Nouis - EDITING}

Chapter 23: It's All An Act

Back in school and I have to tell you that junior year is hard, sigh. And to top it off, I'm going for all A's. Wanting to attend Uni in England makes you work, I'm tellin' you. And X-Factor USA started up again! Yay! Totally watching it for the singers. [Okay, half to see the gorgeous Demi, half for the singers.]

I wrote this in my Chemistry class, hope you all like it. It was hard for me to write... Love you guys!

Sammie xx

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 All of the thoughts I had before are now gone.

 I no longer think of him, I don't allow myself to think of him. He is no longer mine and I'm okay with that... I have to be okay with that.

 And now, I have a schedule for myself.

 Wake up at six in the morning, then take a ten minute shower. Dry myself off and put on my work clothes quickly after. Make tea for Zayn, leaving at seven o'clock.

 Walk to work, say hello to the old woman who is always sitting down at the bus stop on my apartment complex's street.

 Check into work at eight o'clock. Only six hours of work left, only six hours of faking a smile to the customers and trying to laugh at Perrie's jokes. I have to make her believe I'm okay.

 I have to believe that I'm okay, I thought to myself.

 "Louis? You alright, babe?"

 Perrie's voice knocks me out of my train of thought, also letting me realize that I've been sweeping the same patch of dirt for much longer than I should have. I nod at her question and move to a new spot to sweep. And just before I was about to think it, Perrie joins me in the empty table area with a worrisome look. That look reminded me of a mother, but I don't want a mum right now. I want a friend who won't pry into my mind.

 "Louis, it's been a couple of weeks. You don't have to act as if everything's good and happy. I mean, you and," Perrie began saying, but I caught her off before she can say his name.

 "Please, I'm totally fine, Perrie. I honestly couldn't care about that dick even if I try." Even calling him a dick was hard for me to swallow down. It felt wrong calling him that.

 He lied to me, he is a dick, I thought. Yet, half of my mind can't agree with that.

 I go back to sweeping and Perrie decides to back off me for now, but knowing her she will ask again later.

 Fake a smile, fake a laugh. They'll leave me alone soon enough.

 *

 *

 *

 Leave work at two in the afternoon. Get home, watch some shows with Zayn for a little bit.

 "What did you do today?" I asked him, knowing he was off today. Zayn shrugs.

 "Not much, just hung out with Liam."

 I tense hearing my sister's boyfriend's name. Of course I told Zayn and Perrie everything, but I said Zayn should still hang out with him.

 My anger towards Liam still cannot be expressed in plain words or useless actions. The pain he and Lottie made me feel seemed to not have a limit, but if Zayn still stays friends with Liam, he'll be able to tell Liam that I'm okay, who then will probably tell the faceless man I refuse to think about anymore.

 Four o'clock, Perrie comes over.

 I avoid her as much as I can, and try to smile wider and make more jokes like I used to.

 They buy my act and leave two hours later for a double date. I don't even ask who they're going with, afraid to hear it's with Liam and my baby sister. I occupy myself. I have to occupy myself.

 My mind won't allow me to sit still. I may think of him if I do.

 I read books, catch up on some episodes, cook dinner, bake cookies since I was in a chocolaty mood.

 I can't think of him. I won't think of him. I refuse.

 I head to my bedroom, shutting and locking the door. Here, in my own little personal box, I let myself go.

 Tears swell up in my eyes, my face all scrunched up together as I begin to choke on air while I sob.

 "How could I do this without him?" I ask myself, making the choking noises some more.

 I need him with me, beside me as we lay in bed. I need to tangle our legs together and snuggle my face into the crook of his neck, smelling his beautiful and sweet scent. I need his body heat colliding with mine.

 Who am I trying to fool? I still love him. I am still head over heels in love with Niall.

 Thinking his name hurts me, though. Thinking of his eyes, wide smile, or that loud, obnoxious laugh I've always adored just seems to stab me in the gut repeatedly. I let him go. It's all my fault. I'll never be able to get him back.

 So, I'll have to fake a smile, fake a laugh. This pain will leave me alone soon enough.

 Thinking this, I lean over to my alarm clock and set the time for six o'clock, letting sleep take over until the morning where I must fake this act all over again.

 This love will leave me alone soon enough.