Daastan [#MissionDesi]

Chapter 13

Doctor Nayar had said that people with Retrograde Amnesia cannot recover their memory simply by being told the events of their life by others.

But on Sujatha's insistence and of course us hoping she would remember just a minute detail of our life together, I would show her our wedding photographs, videos, pics of our honeymoon, weekend trips. But most of the times her face would be blank, if not that, then disappointment would be clearly written all over her face. At times like these, she would close the album and her eyes too, as if trying to conjure up those memories. But I doubt she could see anything but darkness.

Each day I focused on making new memories since Doctor had told us she won't be having trouble forming new ones. Sometimes she would be distressed over petty matters, frustrated when she couldn't do something as simple as boiling milk without it spilling over the edges.

She had fallen back on her education. But she wasn't ready to face the world yet. She had a lot more to take in than she could handle at the moment. There were times when either one of us would look up and see the other one looking or our eyes would meet at the same time and we would hold onto that moment till the other one looked away. I could feel in those moments our hearts reaching out. But soon the spell would be broken. Sometimes I would look at her expectantly, waiting for a miracle.

Her life was now a barrage of questions which I had to answer everyday. Life with her now was like living with a child, always curious to know things, even answering questions which might seem silly to normal people.

I craved the routine life before this, when things were..well, normal. It was selfish of me to be thinking like this. It made me feel guilty. The more guilty and helpless I felt, the more frustrated I became. I would dwell in my own private shell, sometimes, working late nights.

There were no answers but just questions. What if she doesn't fall in love with me once again? What if she finds someone else? What if she never remembers?

My fears had led me to desperation. Once we were at a restaurant trying to get to know each other again. I thought getting her out of the four walls might do her some good. She was unusually quiet that night.

"Just let it go please," she said.

"I just don't think you want to try anymore," I said, running my fingers through my curly hair.

She looked at me, her eyes brimming with tears. "Please Arvind, some other time. I can't take it anymore."

"What's not to take?" I clearly didn't understand her. I wanted her to try little harder though I have to admit I pushed her over the edge. And she fell.

She'd had enough. She walked out of the restaurant but not before uttering the words, "I'm leaving Arvind. I'm going to stay with my parents."

Just like the story of Hansel and Gretel goes, our bread crumbs had been eaten up by the hungry crows and we were unable to find our way back to the place where our love lived. We were lost, each as different individual. I sat in the car that night while she went inside to pack her bags. Overwhelmed, I cried for a long time.