The love of a man

Anxiety

[ Eren's POV]

After Levi and I were done with all our tear shedding we were exhausted. We stayed on the couch tangled up, feeling the comfort of each other's heart beat. It was almost a twisted sense of ecstasy knowing that I had found someone who had been through as much as I had. But at the same time if I could take all of his pain away, I would. We spent the rest of the night  watching tv and then eventually fell asleep.

It's been a couple days since we had talked about everything. I'm sitting at my desk in the corner of Levi's office trying to focus on filing the bank notes but my mind keeps wandering back to Levi. He's currently in a meeting with Erwin and some bank sponsors, so I haven't really seen him all day. My anxiety is not letting me work because of it. The morning after Levi and I had revealed our secrets, he told me that he had a business trip he had to go on in Sina, which is a little city on the outskirts of St. Rose. It's an eight hour flight just to get There and then another four hours of driving to get to Sina. He's going to be gone for about five days. We haven't been apart for more than two days since we've been together. I shake my head and sigh. This might be harder than I thought. I would never admit this to Levi because I don't want him to worry, but at the moment, he is my only reason to live. If I ever lose him I don't know what I'd do. I drop my pen and get up from
My desk chair. Maybe some cool air will help me relax. I strut out of the office and down the hall. Before I leave the building i stop at the receptionist desk " Hey Jules" I say to the brown haired girl behind it " I'm gonna take a break. I'll be back in half an hour. Want anything ?" Julia smiles at me "No thanks Eren. See you in a bit." I Smile back and head out the Door and down the street to a nearby cafe.
* * *
After I order and get my drink I start walking back towards the bank. I look at my watch. Damn, I only killed 15 minutes. What do I do now? I shrug and turn down the alley that leads to the emergency exit in the back of the bank and sit on the concrete steps, sipping on my coffee. I look over to the busy street and watch as people walk by, wishing that I could just be alone. I start to feel my heart drop thinking about Levi leaving and my anxiety starts to pick back up again. I try to focus on my breathing but it doesn't help. My breathing becomes erratic and stressed as I start to hyperventilate. Before I know it I'm crying and gasping for air in a panic. My vision gets blurry and I can feel myself becoming faint. I need to calm down my breathing before I pass out. I
Look around to see if i can find a bag but there's nothing. In my frantic search I can hear a voice calling from down the ally but I
Pay no attention to it. I keep looking around and then try to get up but my legs buckle underneath me and I fall to my Knees, clutching my chest because my lungs are starting to hurt. The voice gets closer and relief washes over me for a split second. Levi is calling my name. He runs over to me and grabs my shoulder, his voice is so quite and calm " Eren, Eren please calm down. It's going to get better I promise" he coos as he wraps his arms around me. I break down and start sobbing, almost to the point of screaming. I clutch the back of his suit and cry into his shoulder, wishing with all my might that I wasn't like this. He has so many of his own problems and I'm just adding to it. I hate it. I hate the way I am. I can feel his fingers stroking through my hair and i focus on the feeling, trying to synchronize my breathing with his movements. I start grounding myself. Five things I can see; Levi's neck, a trash can, the blue sky, my coffee cup, and my fingers clutching his shirt. Four things I can touch; Levi's shirt, his hair, the ground, my face. Three things I can hear; cars, people moving in the street, Levi's heartbeat. Two things I can smell; Levi's cologne, the bakery down the street. One thing I can taste; Levi's lips. He places a soft kiss to my lips and I open my eyes. My breathing is back to normal and the panic is gone. "Eren, what happened" Levi asks as he helps me up and over to the steps. Tears are still steadily streaming down my face and I choke on my words. He gets up and goes inside through the emergency exit. A minute later he comes back out with my coat and his car keys. "Come on, let's go home." He says, reaching out to me.  I take his hand and nod my head. We go to his car and he drives back to my house. When we get there I open the door and walk inside, the familiar surroundings soothe the rest of the panic that I had had. Levi hangs up his suit jacket and keys and starts to undo his tie a bit then plops down on my couch. He pats the spot next to him and I sit, trying to keep the panic from coming back. I can feel Levi's eyes on me, observing. " I'm sorry about that" I say, trying to sound confident " I'm all better now. Thank you". I lean over and softly kiss his cheek. His eyes are still on me, and the look on his face tells me that he knows that what I just said is complete bullshit.

[ Levi's POV]

I stare at Eren, watching his body movement. His hands are balled up in fists and he's clenching his jaw as if he's trying not to panic again. His eyes are darting around, probably trying to focus on something else. He is definitely not ok. "Eren, don't lie to me" I say quietly. He looks up at me and I pull him into my arms. He wraps around me and sighs. "What happened?" I ask. He takes a moment before answering.
" I'm scared of you leaving" he whispers.
"I would never leave you"
" But you are. You're going to Sina and I'm going to be alone. What if something happens. I can't live without you." He says, his voice cracking again. I jerk him away from me and grip his shoulders tightly, forcing him to look at me. " Dont be an idiot. Nothing is going to happen and I will never leave you Eren. Never." I say a bit harshly. I can't believe he had a complete breakdown about this. I don't want to have this effect on him. I don't want him to hurt because of me, even if I'm not doing anything. God I love him so much. " I don't want to leave either. We haven't been away from each other this long before and it hurts me knowing that it has this effect on you. I don't want to hurt you. Tell me how to help" I say, trying to soothe his worries. He looks around as if he's trying to think and then says "Call me all the time, and we have to skype too." He looks at me with wide green eyes and my soul melts a little. I put my hand on his cheek " Of course I will"
"Promise?"
"Promise."