Island.

Chapter 15

Fifteen.

He finally got up from laying down, crying stopped and a solemn expression engraved on his face. His obsidian eyes glistening at me as if I were the only thing in this cave. He was ignoring the bubbling coming from the pool, and was about to reach over to me.

I couldn’t have him so close. Not while there were still so many things he had to explain. So I backed away. Slowly and maybe even a little scared.

“Why are you doing this? I mean obviously you’re with her.” My voice was just the slightest bit above a whisper. I couldn’t look at him anymore. This feeling…hurt, sadness, it was unreal.

And that seemed to bring the guilt back to him. He hung his head.

“I still haven’t told you about that part yet. I think we should slow down, and take a little break.” So he was avoiding the topic. But he couldn’t just stop. He told me half the story.

“No. You won’t see me again, ever, if you don’t finish.” I was nervous, flustered, angry, and guilty all at the same time. There had to be a limit to the different emotions someone can experience at the same time.

“Alright,” he said, with guarded eyes.

 His face was a mask, void of expression.

“Phoebe came back, after the fire. She found me out by the ambulance. It was different seeing her this time. It wasn’t the same. I didn’t pity her for losing her mother in that accident.”

“It was different because I knew what it felt like this time. We both knew. And we were both alone. We only had each other.” Understanding flooded through me, as what he was saying sunk in. Phoebe was the only person who came back. She was the only person who cared.

“We sort of helped each other move on.” He glanced at me again, with that same guilty expression.

“You don’t need to feel guilty, I understand.” I said, unable to mask the sadness in my voice.

I was jealous. There was no denying it. They had a deeper connection together. They grieved together, and helped each other through their pain. It was nothing I could compete against, and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to come between them.

Keanu studied my face for a minute and then place a hand to my cheek, gently stroking my skin. The gesture was so warm, so intimate. It almost hurt to bear it. We were so close, but not close enough. He sighed and finally spoke after what seemed like hours of looking at each other, looking down he said,

“She decided we were together, I didn’t. I… don’t want to be in a relationship.” His voice was low and had that same husky undertone that I loved.

 “With her.” He said slowly, his eyes slowly meeting mine. They lingered there for the briefest moment, blazing into mine. There were no words to describe the feeling that wound its way into me.

He laid down again, with his head in my lap, and said softly,

“I already reminded her about that, today.”

~

A faint knock was coming from my door. I decided I was going to ignore it, seeing as I was in the middle of what used to be my closet.

I was cleaning. That’s how bored I was. But instead of the blissful silence I wanted, no needed, I just couldn’t have it. My mom let herself in and invited herself to take a seat on my cluttered bed.

I poked my head from out of the closet, a clear look of annoyance on my face. My brown long hair a tangled mess, falling out from its holder that was gradually slipping from the crown of my head. I got up and walked to the door frame of the closet, leaning against it, pretending to fold a pair of jeans. She just sat there, blatantly staring, as if expecting me to say something to her. She was in for a long wait.

“Ava, I--” I sharply turned around, not wanting to hear any type of explanation. She didn’t owe me anything. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was being immature. But I was better off acting this way, then saying something that I might regret later on.

“Ava. You will cut that rude act short right now.” She said sternly.

This time I relaxed and just let her speak. Turning around slowly, I noticed someone standing just outside the door. If anyone was supposed to come over, it was Leia. I hadn’t seen her in days. But it wasn’t her, instead it was Maika, looking very embarrassed. Like he walked in on me changing my clothes or something.

“Hey, Maika….” I trailed off. I was surprised to say the least. I shot my mom a look that was a cross between ‘get out’ and almost begging. She finally rolled her eyes and got up and left.

“I, uh, hadn’t seen you around. I was wondering where you’ve been. But judging by the size of the mess in here, you could have been buried alive for days and no one could have known.” He was trying to keep a straight face but his lips were quivering, until finally he couldn’t hold it any longer.

“I finally clawed my way out this morning.” I said, laughing. Maika had a smile that was so contagious. I couldn’t help but to smile back.

He picked up a pink frilly top that I hadn’t worn in years, and was eying it with distaste.

“Um, I don’t know how that got in here…” He didn’t let me finish. He burst out laughing again.

I missed being around him. He wasn’t always so serious. It was just easier to breathe around him and things weren’t so hard to figure out. I wasn’t always trying to decipher everything he said. Maika simply said what he wanted to.

He helped me clean the rest of my closet and get rid of a lot of my old clothes. We were just laying on the floor of my room talking about things from random times in our childhood. Well he was. I was pretty much listening.

“When I was ten, there was this baking competition, you know with brownies and cookies and stuff.” He asked.

“Maika, I wasn’t born under a rock, of course I know.” He rolled his eyes and I motioned for him to continue.

“Well there was this prize. The winner got like five hundred dollars. And I always wanted to buy my own volleyball gear. Like the pro net and ball and everything. So I entered.”

His eyes glistened with a happiness that I was sure only he would ever understand. His tan jaw flexed as he spoke. God, why did he have to be so good looking? I was having mixed feelings towards him. On one hand, I really enjoyed his company. On the other, we could even be together, but I didn’t feel that connection with him. We didn’t have what Keanu and I seemed to have.

Oh god. I’m thinking about both of these puzzling guys at the same time. Kill me now.

“I didn’t know I would love baking so much. I ended up winning the contest and I helped my parents open the best bakery in town. Which brings me to the next thing on the list.”

He got up and stretched his hand up to get a backpack that was laying on my bed. I got up slowly and watched what he was doing. He reached into the bag and pulled out a Ziploc bag with cookies in it. He took one out and said with a hint of pride

“ I made these myself.”

I reached to take the cookie from him, but he said,

“It tastes better when someone feeds you.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I can feed myself.”

“Humor me.” He said. And for the first time today, he was serious.