Island.

Chapter 19

Nineteen.

The wind picked up, whipping my hair all around me. The music was blaring, the speakers making the sand jump up off the floor. I remember walking out of the room. I remember being shocked. But somehow, I just cant manage to remain angry. I know that I should be, but I’m not. What is wrong with me?

I walked slowly over to the table where Leia, Cady and Maika sat. All of them talking and laughing, having an awesome time. I grabbed another drink off of the table and walked over slowly to them, downing it before I got there.

“Hey Ava”, Maika said, a smile playing upon his lips.

He really was cute, and I regretted rejecting him this very moment. The sad thing, is that I could actually see myself together with Maika. The very guy I crushed with my rejection. What was even sadder, was I knew it would probably never work with Keanu. I wanted to believe so much that it would work with him, but with the way things were going, and all these secrets, it was hard to keep the faith.

But I wasn’t stupid. I couldn’t lie to myself and pretend that Maika and I had that connection. When Keanu and I were together, it was extraordinary. Like we were meant to be that way. Even now, when I was just so confused and upset, I couldn’t get my drunk mind off of him. Everything I saw, it was somehow related to him.

The alcohol burned its way through my veins, making me feel it, making me want to sway to the music. Making me want to forget. There was no masking the sadness in my eyes, because these three people saw right through it. Through me. Leia looked at me with sympathetic eyes, and a single tear escaped my eye.

“You guys want to dance?” I asked while hastily dabbing at my eyes. They all stared at  me like I  was an alien.

“Are you sure you want to? You look like you need to sit down.” Cady said while holding out the seat next to her. Although I probably wanted to collapse and cry my eyes out, I was stronger than that. I was going to suck it up, and try my hardest to have a good time.

Desperately trying to will them to understand, I whispered, “I just need to forget”.

~

Somewhere between the third song, Maika started bringing shots for us. Desperate for an escape, I accepted them. I could have said no. I could have waved him off. But I was selfish. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to have a good time.

Without him.

 It was getting hard to focus on anything besides the song that was playing, I tried glancing around me. Everything was blurred. The lights, the people, they all looked jumbled together. The only thing I managed to keep my gaze focused on, was the drink in my hand, that was slowly tipping sideways, and threatening to spill. Someone grabbed my hand, and took the drink away.

“Hey, where’d it go?” I slurred.

I almost wanted to cry. It was like someone snatched a favorite toy from a baby, and they were getting ready to cry. I looked up at the culprit, wanting to jam my fist to their face. Instead, I see a very disheveled Keanu. His beer slipping from his fingers and the tears that’s been threatening my eyes, fall silently. I had almost forgotten about him.

Almost.

And the only thing I could even focus on being upset about is having my drink taken away.

He leans forward and brings his lips to my ear and whispers,

 “You’ve had enough babe.”

He takes me by the arms, and pulls me to him, engulfing me into a bittersweet embrace. Why was I doing this to myself? Again, I was letting myself fall into this trap. This will be my downfall, I swear.

My hands stay limp at my sides. There was a raging war going on inside my head. I should hug him back. I should melt into his arms instead of standing rigid and almost afraid that he might lose it again. I should agree and ask him to take me home. But I do the opposite.

I push him away. I take a step back, almost guarded. The alcohol made it look like he was moving. But I know better, and I just barely catch a glimpse of his expression. Shock, and then finally sadness taking over his handsome features. I wanted to kick myself for causing him pain. But it would be better for both of us, if it ended this way, instead of it blowing up in our faces later on.

His voice, just as distant as his expression pulls me even closer.

“I need to talk to you. Will you come with me?” He asks, with a sad smile appearing on his lips. And what choice is there? I cant just say no. I cant call Leia or anyone else to come and get me out of here. They’ve all disappeared. And the damn alcohol is making me so bloody confused. There really is no other choice but to go with him.

He pulls me off to the beach, near a tree that wasn’t too far from the rest of the party. It was free of people, and although the music is still loud, its easier to talk and hear each other better. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it, he inhales a long pull, and slowly releases it. All the while, I’m backed up against the tree wondering why I’m really here. He comes over to me, so close that I can feel the heat coming off of his body.

“I’m really sorry Ava. It was stupid of me to blow up like that.” He was looking down at me, one hand snaking its way around my waist while the other was stroking my face, from temple to jaw.

I looked at him long and hard. His eyes were pleading with me, almost begging for me to accept. He was so close, and I couldn’t think. Not with all the alcohol wreaking havoc with my mind. I know I should be angry. But I just don’t feel it. Sighing in frustration I let my gaze wander away from his face. Because looking at him is only making it worse.

He groans and brings his forehead against mine.

“I know I’m an ass. Please, I need you to say something.”

This was like déjà vu all over again. The same thing I’m sure happened once before. And I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask him why. But I just couldn’t voice the questions.

“Why don‘t you want people to know about us? And tell me the real reason.” I say, pushing him away from me and crossing my arms over my chest.


“You just wouldn’t understand. I--I cant find a way to explain it so you’ll understand. And stop pushing me away!” He almost groaned. I could tell this was hard for him.

“I’ll talk to you about it another time, when we’re both thinking clearly.” He said. He lifted my chin, “I promise.”

“No, Keanu. Tell me now. I’m not going to hide and keep playing this game. If we’re together, we’re together. In front of everyone.” I put a hand to my temple, feeling a dull ache forming at my temple. I am beyond wasted, but somehow my anger manages to flare.

“I will, just give me time. We need to be sober for this.” He says, throwing his empty beer bottle to the sandy floor and grabs me by the waist.

“Don’t shut me out. Please.” He says in the softest of voices. And I get lost in his eyes for a moment, just savoring the feelings this one boy is able to awake inside me. I sigh and decide that he’s right. We would be better off talking about this in a sober state of mind. But he isn’t forgiven.

“C’mon, lets get back to the party.” I tell him, pulling him by the hand, and walking back towards the music and drunk teens.

I left him almost immediately and went over to find Leia and Cady. He wasn’t completely forgiven. There was still that feeling that he was holding something back. Which he probably was because he didn’t exactly tell me anything. I grabbed another drink, eyeing Keanu with a sense of satisfaction. He wasn’t going to make me stop drinking. Childish? Immature? I really didn’t care. I just needed to forget everything.

I was talking to Leia and Cady, when a pair of arms came across my waist.

 “You guys having fun?” I heard Keanu ask from behind me. He tightened his grip, and pulled me closer. I was a little surprised because he actually came up to Leia and Cady himself. That was at least one sign of him saying he was okay with me telling them. I craned my neck up to look at him, only to see him looking down at me. He was obviously drunk, like me.

“Your cousin should be down here, asking that. But he had a little too much to drink.” Cady said while laughing, trying to hide her surprised expression. I didn’t fully understand what was going on either.

“But we’re fine. Thanks for asking.” She finished.

“You guys don’t mind if I steal Ava for a while, right?” He asked.

“No we don’t. Go ahead.” Leia answered.

He grabbed my hand, and started walking toward the dance floor, and I had to face the girls that had questioning looks on their faces. I just mouthed ‘I don’t know’ and quickly followed after him. He walked to the middle of the dance floor, and took me in his arms.

I inhaled his scent. His familiar scent, mixed with cologne and a faint smell of cigarettes. We started moving to the music, which was a slow song. I rested my head on his shoulder, simply feeling the music.

“I missed you being around me tonight.” He started saying. I lifted my head, and looked at him. He really was beautiful. His obsidian eyes shining in the faint lights. I just didn’t know everything about him. And that scared me a little.

As if sensing my uneasiness, he pulled me in for a long overdue kiss. It was slowly burning me, making me tremble. He pulled me even closer still, the kiss making me melt in that familiar way. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, as if tasting  and I parted my lips. My body was slowly setting ablaze, and he was the reason. His kiss was almost sad. I could feel his loneliness and it seeped into me.  My hands moved to his long hair, which was pulled back into a ponytail. I weaved my fingers through it, feeling how soft it was, and we pulled apart for air.

Things weren’t exactly perfect between us, and we both knew that. But I also knew that I couldn’t stand to be away from him. Even if there were secrets between us. Its just that feeling of reassurance, letting me know that in due time, things will get better.

Or at least I hoped they would.
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So, I guess they're both a little confused. Why do you guys think he's afraid of going public with Ava? :)