Starry Nights

★Chapter 3★

Choking on my thoughts I forced out words with a gasp, "Mishty? Why are you here?"

Standing right in front of me, in my office, was a ghost from my past. The past, I didn't want to look back at. Shormishta Sen stood there, staring at me, searching my face. Was she expecting something? Or was she here, after so many years to mock me? I stared back at her, blank, as I remembered.

Those joyous laughs of two girls who knew there was nothing happier in life than that very moment when they laughed together! Whatever the day, they'd be together always and I won't be ashamed to admit, I was a tad bit jealous looking at them. They did everything together; be it homework, mischief or wiping tears. They knew each other in and out, understood each other more than blood sisters and, that was reason enough.
Reason enough, to not believe that Mishty didn't know what happened to Manjari. How could she simply not know why, where and how she disappeared? She lied to me, I know. She lied to me about, my Manjari.
Mishty aka Shormishta Sen was Manjari's best friend, soul sister, her nemesis even before I found her. But, oh what a big lie this sentence becomes, when I think of Manjari.

Best friends don't say, "I don't know." Best friends don't give up. But, Mishty did and I haven't forgiven her.

"My, are we rude." Mishty finally spoke, breaking the long, icy silence between us.

I frowned at her and looked away, "I don't have time for your antics. State your purpose or leave immediately. Unlike you, I don't dig graves."
All of a sudden, I witnessed, her zealous attitude go down the drain. Her face fell and her shoulders slumped. It appeared as if she had aged a decade in front of my eyes. It was as if she'd shrivelled from the weight she had carried on her shoulders for so long.

"Alright." She sighed, turned her back towards me and continued to speak, "It's about her. It's about Manjari. Our Manjari."

Silence followed after her pause. It was pregnant with an energy like no other. Silence, is multifaceted, I realised. It can be practiced at a point in time, to show agreement, indifference, and even can be used as a tool to agitate a person. However, in this case, it expressed shock.
Mishty turned back to face me when she didn't get a response.
I stared at the floor, unable to fathom my questions into words.

"You knew where she was, all these years? All these years!" I stared at her, point blank in the eye, "I cried, I begged, I went down on my knees. I pleaded you to tell me just something, anything! You knew about her but, you!" My teeth ground, the words came fierce, "You lied through your teeth. You kept a straight face, didn't let me know anything!"

She worriedly looked at me and spoke, "Hold your horses right there, Mr Goenka! Before you blame me blasphemously, let me make it clear to you that I, never lied to you. How dare you forget the bond I had with her? How dare you ignore my agony? Our friendship meant to me much more than your love did to you, whatsoever!"

She slowed down, "Look, trust me please. There was no way I could've been in touch with her. I had no clue of her but only until recently. Also, it was she who appeared on my doorstep, all of a sudden, one day! She appeared so broken, I took her in immediately even before my rage could start questioning her."

"Wait, what? Broken?"

"Yeah", she nodded. "She's bruised and hurt and has kept mum for long. She has even refused to go to a hospital and get checked out. She's either crying or staring into space. I don't even know what to do."
Mishty continued with a tone of despondence, "I've never seen her like this before. You know how she was! She made the world around her come alive. But now, she seems so dead inside. Looking at our Manjari this way, breaks my hea-"

"Your" I corrected her.

"Huh?"

"She, is your Manjari. Not mine. Not anymore." I replied. She stared at me for a while searching my face, looking for something that wasn't there anymore. It was gone and it won't come back.

Sighing, she continued; "Swayam? I know how that incident broke you. It hurt you more than anything would ever hurt anybody else. But, she's here after so long and she needs you. She needs you, Swayam. You can't say, no,"

I raised an eyebrow at that, "Does she know you're here?"
"No", she confirmed, "She'd rather cut an arm than ask for help. She's too reluctant to even talk to me."

I knew it. Even after so many years, Manjari was still the self-reliant, pride holding woman.

"Swayam, today, I beg you. I need you to see her. We couldn't do anything back then but today, when she's right here in front of our eyes, it is our duty; or at least mine, to look after her. I need you to come over at once. She may be too stubborn to say it, but she needs a warm hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on and most importantly, a reliable support system which can be nobody else, but you."

I kept looking at Mishty speak, she was crying inside. She wasn't lying after all, I thought to myself.

"Moreover, I think she's running away from something." Mishty remarked, "Is it herself or is there something else she's hiding? I don't know, Swayam. I don't know anything. All I know right now is she needs you. I want you to be her harbour, make her feel protected. You can't watch her fall apart in front of your eyes, I know."

Her hope however, was wrongly placed.
"No."

"Wha- Swayam?"

"I cannot help you, Ms Sen. I'm extremely sorry, please leave."

She kept staring at me in disbelief, probably wondering if I'd even heard half the things she'd just said. I turned around to not face her as she coldly looked at me. She then spoke again, this time, stern and fierce.

"Nor do I dig graves, Mr Goenka and neither do I bury people alive, unlike you. I don't mark people dead because I'm so weak that I can't shut that emotional window from my past. I'm sorry, I wasted your time. Have a good day."

Saying so she made her way out of the lounge, brushing past me, briskly walking away, disappointed and let down. Mishty wasn't wrong. I dug graves, I buried people alive and I had kept that window open for long. But, there wasn't really anything to change that. It was just the way I was.
I stood looking out of the lounge's glass at the waves, as they lashed at the shore. How much ever did the water hit upon the land with force; caused it damage, but the sand never receded away from the sea. The shore was there, each day, bearing the waves lashing against it, since unknown time.

I wondered if I could ever be like the shore. I couldn't, maybe. Swayam of 3 years ago would've gone running up Manjari's porch, taken her into his arms and promised her to keep her safe, forever. But, Swayam of today didn't find it in himself to do just that. This Swayam needed time. Time, to grasp the truth that she was back, that she was broken.

He had to mentally, and emotionally arm himself before he sets sight on her, again. Even before he went on to be Manjari's safe harbour, he himself needed a shield that could protect him from a breakdown for he couldn't afford another heartbreak. Not this time, because if he gave himself away now, everything would change. Everyone around him would be affected, be it his friends or foes and he couldn't let that happen. He had to do something, anything.
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