Gang leader Vs. Gang leader

8

I lay there frozen, holy fucking hell he's kissing me, holy fucking god damn fucking hell. His soft lips keep moving against my still ones, pressing down harder, then I do one of the most idiot things ever. I begin kissing back. Xander presses his hand gently against both of my cheeks, lifting my face up slightly, making the kiss slower. I place one hand over my stomach gently and place my other hand on his chest, grabbing some of his shirt. I push him away gently letting go of his shirt and rest my head back on the pillow looking away from him.

"Aria?" I feel his thumb running over my cheek lightly.

"This isn't high school, Xander. It's not some fairy tale where you and I fall in love and everything's peachy." I say after a bit still looking away.

"I know that."

"Then what is going on? You're confusing the fuck out of me."

"I already told you."

"Fuck, Xander." I sigh and place both my hands on the bed pushing myself up slowly. He grabs my arms trying to stop me but I yank my arms away slightly, and fully sit up. I push my myself back on the bed, but stop instantly when a huge sharp pain hits. I grip the sheets whimpering quietly but then take a deep breath pushing myself all the way back against the headboard. I breathe a little heavy still feeling a wave of pain over my stomach. "I need you to listen to me now."

"Aria, I know what you're going to say. That we're rivals, it's going to be hard since we've been at war, and-"

"Shut up." I say through clenched teeth scowling at him and he sits in the chair beside my bed, closing his mouth. "It's not just all that shit, you idiot. You and I-- we just can't. Our lives are so screwed up to the point where you and I are like ticking time bombs. You're like that tough guy who fucks every thing that moves and screws over everyone. And- It's like- and- Fuck you, because you kissed me I don't know what I was going to say." He laughs and I lift my hand raising my middle finger at him.

"It's nice to know I leave you speechless."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"How the fuck do you know? Huh? Just a little while ago you tortured the crap out of me. Don't you see? How am I suppose to love you, if we've been through all this fucking crap?"

"I never said you had to. Just give me a chance."

"A chance to-"

"TO PROVE THIS WHOLE THING IS BULLSHIT- I'm sorry. Look, Aria, do you honestly think that you and I don't deserve love? Or even a chance at it?"

"Horrible people don't deserve a chance. People don't change."

"Bull fucking shit. I never thought I would be in your house, your room asking for a fucking chance to prove to you that I can change, both of us can, because in that basement I saw it in both of us- both of us are capable. We weren't born this fucking way. This is fucking stupid, Aria. I'm fucking asking you to give me a chance and you're rejecting me. What the fuck is wrong?! Huh?? I know we've been through shit but who the fuck cares? Everyone has. Tell me the god damn real reason why you're saying no."

"I just told you! You've tortured the crap out of me, made me lose countless of jobs and people, and some idiot on your side just fucking shot me! How are those not valid reasons?"

"It can't just be that." I cross my arms over my chest scoffing and turn my face away from him. "Aria, I know, okay? I know what I'm asking for is completely insane. I know I've done horrible things to you, but so have you. If you won't give me a chance tell me, tell me the real reason that's holding you back not the basic shit." He sits beside me on the bed and I feel his arms wrap around me gently. He buries his face in my neck kissing the side of my neck gently and I grip my arms slightly still looking away.

"In this job you lose everyone." I speak quietly taking a deep breath. "From the way you talked about your brother, I know you lost him. I've lost people too, that's a given. Everyone loses people but in this fucking life style it's always your fault. It was either you let your brother go to the store without protection and he ends up in a river body parts scattered, or your cousin is dead in a fountain, drowned by some random fucking gang... I'm fucking terrified, every single moment of the day. And everything that's ever happened is all my fault. I don't want this to be some fucking fantasy where I fall in love and it's ripped away again. I just... I feel like there's never hope, and I've learned to deal with that. And that's why I think you coming here, staying beside me, is fake."

"I'm not faking. If I was I'm one hell of an actor." He mutters against my neck.

"I don't believe you."

"I'll prove it."

"I never said I was giving you a chance."

"I'm not asking anymore."

"Xander."

"I said: I'm not asking anymore." He gets off the bed and runs a hand through his hair. He leans over and places a soft kiss against my lips. "I'm going to prove it's not fake. Don't care how long it fucking takes, you'll see Aria Montano, you'll see." He pushes my hair back and turns the light off walking out.

"XANDER." I yell after him as he walks out the door, but he doesn't come back or stop just keeps walking. The only sound going through the house is his foot steps, finally I hear a door open and close.

I groan quietly from the pain as I try to lay back down on the bed slowly. I pull the blanket up to my chin as I lay on my back. That fucking idiot. I laugh quietly to myself and shaking my head closing my eyes. I don't know what to do, honestly. I'm a gangleader, I'm suppose to be fearless, ruthless, strong but it's all gone. I don't want him to prove anything, I don't want him to do anything. I just want- I just- I'm not. I don't know. I take a deep breath gripping the blanket as I tears come to my eyes and my throat begins to burn. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to be hurt. Tears begin to stream down the side of my face, I can't do this anymore. My feelings and thoughts are all scattered and I can't deal with it anymore. I just give up. What else can I do? Is my last thought as I fall into a painful and fearful sleep.