Gang leader Vs. Gang leader

19

"This is my family" Xander sighs walking in between two headstones and rests his hand on his mother's stone his back facing me. I stare down at all three reading the words "Rest In Peace" over and over again. I step forward slightly then sit down on the grass and cross my legs resting my forearms on my thighs and begin fiddling with my fingers. I stare down at my fingers trying to find something to say. Should I ask him if he misses them? Of course he fucking does, I miss my family. How about if I ask what they're like? Oh fuck he might not want to say anything and it'll be awkward. More awkward than it is now... Why can't I fucking talk? It's like poof all my conversation skills gone. I'm an idiot, aren't I? I should say something I've been thinking for a while he might think I'm weird now. Oh wait shit what if I waited too long that now it's a moment of silence for his parents? Oh fuck what if it's already awkward. Say Something. SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I scream at myself internally before looking up and seeing his back still towards me.

"The weather's nice.." I blurt out then internally smack my head. "I mean I-I'm, uh, they seem like great people. Oh wait fuck, I don't even know them, um, they-- god fucking damn it um... I'm sorry for your loss? What the fucking hell-- I mean I'm-- fuck-"

"Breathe," He laughs turning around and walks over to me sitting down next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I let out a huge sigh, slumping my shoulders over slightly.

"I'm acting like I'm fucking 16 again."

"That's how you acted when you were 16?" He laughs again wrapping his other arm around me and I groan loudly.

"I was an awkward teenager, okay? Barely could give a guy a pencil without blushing. I never said I was a fucking badass then like I am now."

"Badass?"

"HEY I'M COOL AS FUCK!"

"Okay okay." He kisses the side of my head and I scoot closer slightly. I rest my head on his shoulders and he keeps his arms around me, we stare out, staying in silence.

"What were they like?" I ask after awhile I turn my head up glancing at his chin then look back down at the headstones.

"Absolutely insane. Every moment was about getting me ready take over this stupid gang, them trying to fuck, or their stupid sense of humor. They'd laugh their asses off at a piece of ice." 

"I mean ice is pretty funny. Liquid to solid? Woah that's some comedy gold."

"Shut up you idiot"

"You're suppose to be the idiot here." He laughs softly shaking his head and tightens his arms around me barely swaying us back and fourth. We begin sitting in silence again and I take a deep breath. This is what I want: no guns, no assholes, no killing, no worries. I just want to be here with him, happy. Maybe... Maybe I can get him to leave with me. And if not, well then I don't know what next. "I want to leave."

"You're right this is kinda depressing, let's go." He let's go of me and gets ready to push himself up when I grab his arm.

"I mean... I mean I don't want to be in a gang anymore. I don't want to be a gang leader anymore, or any of that shit." He pauses looking at me and I wait.

"I don't either." He says looking down and I let out a huge sigh in relief.

"Well fuck I thought that was going to be really awkward. But you're right we have to leave here too we've been out too long, someone might find us or or gangs might get worried." I stand up and grab his arm again pulling him up. I wipe off my jeans and motion Xander back to the car. He glances at his family's headstone one last time and begins walking back. I wait a bit until he's a good distance away and turn to stones. "You don't have to worry about anything. I'll always be there for him, even if he hates me or if I have to die. I promise." I say to all of them and then jog my way back to the car.

"We need a plan." I get in the passenger side and close the door Xander next to me starting the car. I lean back in the seat and turn my head looking at him.

"For what?" He begins driving and I roll my eyes shaking my head slightly.

"To leave this fuck shit life. I'm thinking faking our death? Or just picking up everything and leaving? Without a trace. Well some trace so they don't come looking for us. By them I mean our gangs."

"Are you serious?"

"About leaving? Yes."

"Like, really?"

"Yes. Now, how do you want to do it?"

"Aria-"

"You said you don't want to be a gang leader anymore. Do you really want to spend the rest of our lives stuck in this god forsaken rut? Wake up, get a job, kill, get money, sleep, repeat." He shakes his head sighing and I face forward watching the road as he drives back to my house. I hug my stomach, I knew I shouldn't have brought this stupid shit up. I knew he wouldn't have wanted to do any of this shit with me. I bet he's still only here because he wants to fuck, and that love stuff he said was bullshit. Everything's bullshit. This is why I want to leave because everything in this life is fucking shit. I can barely drink a glass of water without worrying if it's poisoned. I wish I just would've shut up, me and my big fat mouth. I guess we were moving to fast anyway. Enemies, to kinda friends, to love. That's a big jump and it doesn't make any fucking sense. I shake my head and look down at the door handle. I always over think things now, it's like I'm a ball of uncertainty.

"Let's run away now." Xander says and I turn my head instantly.

"What?"

"You heard me. Forget all the plans, you're right, if we don't leave now we'll never leave." He glances at me smiling slightly and I feel my heart begin to race.

"Are you lying to me? You honestly want to leave right this second?"

"No, I'm not lying. And yes, let's leave right this moment, right this second. I love you and I may very well regret it in the future but who the fuck cares, my life's already crap. Aria Montano, let's run away together."