Isinglass

Chapter 2

I waited for three days for something to happen. Having decided to not go back into the house, I had packed what items I thought were important- food, water, a flashlight, and batteries, as well as all the matches and lighters I could find. Reluctantly, my father's hunting rifle is also among my collection, though I prayed my meager knowledge of firearms was never put to the test. I had never had my dad's interest in hunting- a sensitive child, he had commented with a touch of disappointment.

Sitting cross-legged in the back of the minivan, which has been serving as my home for the last few days, I now stare at the gun and small boxes of ammunition. While I had never fired it, I at least knew how to load it. Yet, I sense the necessity of having this weapon near me, even if it only serves as a visual deterrent. Given its unloaded state, that is a secret I hope no potential assailant might discern. It is all the more important now that I realize no one was coming. In truth, I resent it, sitting here with me while so many precious yet now useless items remain in the house: Family photo albums. Childhood toys. My parents.

It occurs to me how foolish it is to wait, exposing the ambivalence I am still wrestling with. After all, if I was ready to give myself up to the authorities, why wait for them to find me? That said, given there has been no indication of human life for nearly a month, do I want to find what awaits me out there? One thing is clear: I cannot stay here.

Resolved, I decide that I will return to the clinic one more time. If anyone remains, I'll relinquish myself willingly. If I find no one, I'll take the van and drive the few hours to the evacuation point, which is located to the east, at the headwater of the river. It is an ideal location for such a site because the hydroelectric dam, which separates the river from its source lake, is likely providing consistent power to the city despite the otherwise dead grid. One way or the other, I will not be alone for long.

The town is even more desolate than the last time I made this short walk. A haze of smoke hangs in the air, the smell mingling with the stench of death I have tried so hard to avoid. Grass and hedges have been growing unhindered. It is remarkable how quickly the manicured details of civilization are swallowed up and erased by the interminable march of nature as she reclaims her own. I continue my own march towards the clinic, the only sound the crunch of dirt on the pavement beneath my feet.

Without warning a dog bursts from tall grass at the side a nearby house, charging in my direction. Stumbling backward, attempting to pull the unloaded rifle from where I have it slung over my shoulder, I trip on the curb, falling hard onto my back. The animal is on me in an instant, its face thrust towards mine as I attempt to disentangle my arms and protect myself. Yet, as it reaches my face, I am met, not with teeth but with a tongue.

"Get off!" I shout, more from embarrassment than anger, getting to my feet and dusting myself off. The dog, an Irish Setter by the look of it, appears to be the same dog I had seen weeks earlier. It now sits in front of me, waiting expectantly. Cautiously, I rub its head, then grab at the collar around its neck. A single bone-shaped medallion hangs there etched with the name 'Molly'. "You gave me quite the scare, Molly." Her tail wags furiously at the sound her name and she jumps towards me again. Laughing, I push her down. As I take a step back, she follows and then waits, her eyes never leaving me.

Pausing, I put my hands on my hips as I look down at her. She clearly is not going to part with me now. Alone for too long, she simply wants the comfort of being with someone else. Despite the countless good reasons that came to mind of why I should run her off, that same promise of companionship stays my hand. With a whistle and slap on my thigh, I call Molly to my side as I turn to continue walking towards the clinic. The vibrant presence of another life beside me floods me with a happiness that threatens to drown the arid loneliness I have been suffering.