Almost Want To Love You {Attack on Titan Fanfiction}

Chapter Twelve

    By noon the next day, Hanji and the others in the Scouting Legion were having a brief commemoration for Levi. A few had joked about burning cleaning supplies in honor of the captain, but the reality of it was that doing so would be the last thing Levi would have wanted. In fact, he'd probably find it disrespectful. In place of burning cleaning supplies, they were going to fire the last flare—a green one—that Hanji had from the fallen captain.

    Erwin said a few words, as well as Mike, though they tried to make it short so they could return to their usual stations. Hanji also wanted the chance to commemorate Levi, so when the other commanders had finished, Mike helped her to the front of the scouts.

    "Hello, everyone," she greeted. No one replied, but it wasn't as if she were expecting anyone to. The brunette cleared her throat. "Captain Levi was an admirable man. Yes, he was very...serious. And stubborn. And—" She stopped herself. Keeping it short and sweet was best for them all right now. "Well, he was a lot of things. But most of all, he was brave."

    Standing straighter as best as she could with one arm around Mike for support, Hanji raised her head. Levi wouldn't have wanted her to get emotional about him. "I won't give a big speech about how he was a good man, but I figured I'd say a few things anyway. Levi, as most of you well know, was a clean freak. I'm sure you'd all be disappointed to hear that—even in the base in titan territory—he still tidied up anything he could get his hands on." A few of the scouts laughed at this, remembering the odd behavior of the black-haired man.

   Hanji took a breath. She had to keep it together. Adjusting her glasses, she continued, "Even though he showed a lot of the attitudes we're used to while he and I were beyond the walls, he was surprisingly different. I would have liked to experiment more but...well, that's not exactly possible now." Her smile wavered. "He showed unusual levels of kindness. They were masked, as to be expected, but they were definitely there. At first, I was afraid I'd be jumping to conclusions. So I decided to run a little test like I usually do."

    Her voice choked up. She could still feel the warmth of his thin fingers as he'd pushed her hair from her face, and hear the softness in his voice when he'd whispered, "I don't know how you did it, Four Eyes, but somehow you've made me almost want to love you."

    "I figured if he was in his usual grumpy state," she began, "he would have kicked me or something if I'd fallen asleep again. So, when he returned from getting food for the cripple like me, I pretended to be sleeping."

    Hanji laughed, though it was cracked with restrained emotion. Mike, his arm under hers, patted her side to comfort her. With his support, the brunette continued, "Unusually enough, he didn't kick me. He simply removed my glasses again and...said a few things—about how I was an idiot of course. But, to be honest, that's more than he normally showed. And he continued to take care of me until..." Her voice caught in her throat. Forcing a smile, she finished, "Until he went after the other titans. And even in doing that, he showed that he cared about people."

    Her eyes began tearing up. She forced her gaze to the stone floor below her. Discreetly wiping her eye, she said, "At any event, I wanted to share this because I know a lot of people thought he was...heartless, to say the least. I also thought that for a while. But his actions proved otherwise. He gave his all for his comrades—that's all he's ever done. He may have seemed harsh but deep down, I believe he was the most caring of anyone in the scouts. That may sound like I'm pushing it, and maybe I am, but I can assure you that he really did care about everyone here. I hope you all will remember that."

    Hanji looked to Erwin. He gave her a light nod, silently telling her that she'd done well. Mike helped her back to a chair at the side of the scouts, a couple of whom patted her shoulder in sympathy. But their comfort didn't help. It was finally hitting her that the little shrimp had died on her, even after everything they'd promised.

    Erwin once again went to the front of the scouts. He said a few more finishing words of commemoration, then loaded the flare gun. Hanji released a deep, slow breath. She removed her glasses to dry the corners, which were wet with tears. All the while her mind was racing with unanswerable questions. Why did Levi have to die? Why him? Why not herself, when it was her fault for the situation anyway?

    A hand briefly touched hers, pulling her out of her shock. But it slipped away as quickly as it had come. She looked up from her hand. Without her glasses, she could only see a blur of tan from a scouting jacket as someone pushed through the small crowd.

    Hanji flipped her glasses back on her face. From where she was sitting, the standing scouts blocked her view. The people around her, however, started to notice the person's entrance. Erwin's raised hand with the flare gun lowered. A few whispers and gasps went throughout the scouts. What was going on?

    A familiar voice asked, "What's all this for? Shouldn't you be leading the brats back to our station, Erwin?"

    She knew that voice. Yes, she knew who that was without a doubt. Forgetting her injuries, Hanji shot to her feet. She cried out in pain, beginning to fall, but Mike caught her. He helped her to stand. "Come on," he prompted, his own disbelief leaving him without any other words. He led her toward the front to see.

    Levi stood as casually as ever, glaring up at the blond leading commander. The captain was the dirtiest she imagined he'd ever been in public. His clothes were torn, blood-stained, and covered in dirt. His arm was bandaged from an injury she hadn't remembered him getting, as well as his head. Either he'd taken the time to dress it, or someone else had.

    Erwin was visibly baffled. "H-How—?"

    "I need someone to fix my gear, a titan ripped out one of the cords." Levi brushed a few stray hairs from his face. "Oh, and I'll need a new cloak. I tore up the one I had to help Four Eyes over there. Probably a new jacket too, unless someone else is planning on patching this one up. I'd do it myself, but I'm honestly not in the mood." He dusted off his sleeves, continuing in a way that made Hanji wonder if he was even aware that he was speaking to anyone but himself, "I need to get washed up first. When I've finished, let's pack up and return to our base. It's probably become a wreck in the days I've been gone. Someone should have stayed behind to tidy the place."

    No one spoke. Levi had just returned from well over a day in titan territory with nothing but the skin on his teeth and half-useless 3DMG, and the first thing he did was start ordering people? His actions were so nonchalant that Hanji could hardly think of a fitting response to it all.

    Levi turned to face the other dumbfounded scouts. He glared daggers at them. "What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be—" He stopped himself. A hint of an amused look shown in his gray eyes. "Oh. This was my funeral, wasn't it?"