dark places - jb & ag {completed}

{five}

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, a blur of events, tears, cries, pain, and hurt. Questions wouldn't leave my mind, the 'what ifs' and 'if I'd onlys' just couldn't take the hint of how much I wanted them to leave me alone. The next thing I knew, the day that I would be burying my best friend had come.

"I'm not going, Nonna!" I said with the trapped tears stinging my eyes, choking me and making my heart ache even more.

"Sweetie, you have to. You have to pay your respects," Nonna said quietly.

"No! Don't you people understand? She's not dead! I refuse to believe she's dead. What they are doing will never be acceptable to me, never!"

They really couldn't understand. She was my twin sister that my mother had never given birth to nor had my dad ever fathered. I'd known her my whole life. We were never ever separated from each other longer than a weekend when she had to go somewhere with her parents. I couldn't just go and bury her ... it was impossible to let go.

"No matter what we believe, Child, you have to be there – for Sophie's sake."

They didn't understand at all. They couldn't get me. And the heck if I was able to understand them. I had no idea how on earth burying her was something they'd do for her sake. It was for theirs, not hers. Never hers.

Unfortunately, my tries and my whines were for nothing, because just two hours later, I found myself standing in front of the headstone to a body-less grave, holding a coffin that was empty except for photos, letters, roses, and memories.

'Sophia Letterman. 1994 – 2014 A beloved daughter, sister and friend.'

It only took two months after Halloween for everyone to lose the hope of finding her. There were no clues and no evidence. Everyone looked at me as if I were nuts; they told me nothing I'd said made any sense. They said there were no traces of any cars on the road that led to the woods. They said that Sophie's car was nowhere near the woods. Hell, they never found the road itself that I was talking about, let alone the car. It was like nothing I'd said was taken seriously; they made me feel as if I'd made it all up. No, they did say I'd made it all up because I was suffering from a strong case of depression, or PTDS some had said.

They decided that two earthquakes had happened on Halloween – which I'd never felt or had any idea had ever happened, by the way – and that might be the reason why I'd lost that day of my memory. They said I might've hit my head somewhere. They didn't tell me why I didn't have any bruises, though. People were happy to come up with the theory that I was on drugs, mixed with alcohol. I didn't have the energy to tell anyone they were wrong; I barely spoke at all.

They found nothing, and I couldn't do anything about it. It was as if that night had never happened, and if it wasn't for the blood I'd found on my panties when I got home, I would've believed them.

Six months after the horrible night when I'd lost my best friend, Sophie's family decided that 'burying' her would be a good idea, for everyone to move on, because Sophie wouldn't want us to grieve for the rest of our lives, they'd said. Well, they didn't know crap. I wanted to grieve for the rest of my life. She was my sister. My sister, for Christ's sake. How could I just let go and forget? How could an empty coffin ease the pain and let me move on? They were delusional.

Still, I did as my Nonna told me. I went there, I stood still, I let my tears fall as I heard everyone saying their goodbyes and whatnot, clutching the rose in my hand for dear life, finding it so hard to just drop it like I was supposed to do. And when I did – I didn't feel even a tiny bit better.