Furriness

Weird emotions

Hah this is probably the second time I think that I'm going to be talking about max?????????? He's not really my crush anymore, he knows that i like him, but now everything is confusing me.

BEFORE U READ This PLEASE LEAVE IF U DON't WANT TO HEARD ABOUT MY ISSUES LOL OK

The thing is... I  don't really LIKE HIM in a way that I would date him ((even though thats never gonna happen)) but then when he's around other  girls I get????? Jealous??????? And it's like WHAT THE HELL LOL. WHY AM LIKE THAT ? I DOn'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF. But then maybe I'm just losing interest in him because we don't talk as much as we use to, he hangs out a lot with sam now and he's changing i think, that makes me sad but whatever. Im not gonna stop him, people change and sometimes even if u want things to stay the same it can't be helped. I just wish we could talk normally like we use to. In some way he helped me get out of my shell and be weird around people I don't know, WHICH FEELS V NICE!! I use to be such a shrimp by getting really nervous around strangers and worrying about what they're gonna think of me, now if a stranger talks to me I don't care what their opinion is, as long as they like talking to weird furries WERE NOW FRIENDS
Anyways...
Last time I gave him like a dollar and this note that me and my friend made about him going to Mexico, and i was really happy when I gave it to him. I was also really happy when he came back, I didn't feel happy or glad to go to school when he was gone for 2 weeks. But right after gym he told me he lost the note I gave him and he didn't read it. At that point i felt so sad, it was a stupid note yet it made me sad how he lost it????? I just did that so we can all laugh about it. But that didn't go as planned hah.... I got mad at him for that, even though it wasn't a big deal but I just felt v upset, I wanted to say sorry for being mad at him but either way he wouldn't have cared that I was mad in the first place. Just like he didn't care about the note. So then i just wanted to get over him. I started to avoid him or talk to him for like a few days probably. I talked to my other friends and just thought about different things to get him out of my mind, i tried to act like I didn't care about him, i told friends that I didn't like him anymore because he's acting like a fuckboy. I lied I STILL LIKE HIM ALOT ACTUALLY But it's confusing, he makes me mad sometimes because one day he talks to me and everything is all chill, then the next day he looks like he's mad at me. IS HE OK

MAN I JUST WANT TO NOT LIKE HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE THIS IS STRESSING ME OUT HAHAHAH I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM AND BE HIS BEST FRIEND MAYBE AND JUST HAVE THINGS GO NICEU BUT THAT NOT POSSIBLE.
I don't even know if I'm going to publish this because now I feel really stupid. And I don't want him to read this either *Anxiety* *Anxiety*

LET IT BE MONDAY, WEEKENDS ALWAYS MAKE ME THINK ABOUT MY LIFE ISSUES.