Heart Break

Suicide

Suicide is not running away well to me it's not. When I try I just want to leave the people whom have made me feel like nothing make me feel like nothing. Then fine i'll be nothing to no one i'll leave the planet not leaving a trace. But I wouldn't do that to people who love me or care about me. Honestly today alone I have tried. But like I was stopped by a voice that still means a lot to me saying "I would lose it if you died" so I think about their feelings. It kills me to stay here it really does but I push on trying to be happy for others success. I know this would sound dumb but like one day I was going to kill myself because I got kicked off of my sports team. Yea it sounds dumb but I kind of devoted my life to my sports and I got kicked off the team for something I didn't do. So I was also pissed at the same time. From five I've made being an athlete my life goal and I was doing well captain of the team we were winning tournaments. Then it was a day the girls in the back smoking i'm captain i'm supposed to correct that. But here was the problem couch was coming I didn't notice so I'm telling them they shouldn't do that. Couch sees me put it out so she thinks i'm smoking with the others I got kicked off the team and blacklisted. Meaning I can't play any sport anymore so I felt incomplete that day. I was cutting and crying I took a walk and then sat on the roof for a good hour not knowing what to do. Emptiness filled my body making me feel like I can be blown away by the breeze and it made me feel like I should die.