Dear Maya,
Farkle knows, I think.
He keeps giving me- us-these backwards glances, him narrowing his eyes and furrowing his eyebrows in that stupid scrutiny only he can pull off. It's stressing me out hella hard because I've never been good at lying to Farkle, ever. Especially not when it's about feelings. And I think both you and I remember what happened the last time Mr. Minkus found out said feelings of mine.
So I think even you, Peaches, can figure how why this is the worst possible thing that could happen. (Yay venting time. Or so says the website.) I can imagine it now: "I'll give you until Christmas, then I tell her myself." God, even thinking about it is petrifying. And what a way to ruin the season, that sounds very Farkle-like. It'd probably be on a rooftop at midnight too, everyone there, lights blazing, adrenaline high. Embarrassing me, ruining your happiness.
And, oh god Maya, what if he's homophobic?! What if he confronts me about it and I tell him and he's disgusted?! What if he tells everyone out of spite?! What if he thinks I'm sick, being in love with my best friend?! What if he doesn't want to be friends at all anymore?!
I don't think I could stand that. I've almost lost you and I can't remember the last time Lucas and I even had a conversation, he's the only one besides Zay that I can actually talk to about things other than you and Lucas. I can't lose him.
But maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing at all. Farkle said he'd always love us, no matter what. I think that if our friendship has survived everything we have gone through in both middle and high school then it can survive my sexuality, can survive me loving you. At least I hope so, because my feelings for you aren't going anywhere.
Xoxo,
Riley
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Dear Maya » rilaya
Fanfictiondear maya, you will never see this, not until the day i die, and maybe not even then. but these letters are from me to you, to show how i really feel when you're too wrapped up in your boyfriend to realize you're destroying me. you're the only gi...
